i was 12 years old

a twelve year old girl remembers how two older men pulled her into a van and raped her in a workshop

i never wrote about this before, except in my diary, but i still remember it. i remember it all the time really. i think it’s a reason why i do the things i do, why i want men to use me like an instrument of pleasure, make me their victim.

it happened when i was in sixth grade, before my mom and i moved to new york. i went to a private girls school in another state and i was 12 years old. i was small, 4-8 tall and about 85 pounds, with long blonde hair. i was just starting to think about sex.

it happened in spring, around the same time as i am writing this, the week after my mom and i came back from florida. my mom was working a late shift at the hospital that day so i was home alone after school and didn’t see her until the following morning.

i walked home from school that afternoon like i usually did. i was wearing my school uniform, navy and green plaid pleated wrap skirt and white polo shirt. i was wearing white sneakers and ankle socks. underneath were a white bralette and low-rise cotton panties. i had a navy blue backpack.

when i walked home, i usually took a short cut down a long, narrow alleyway that ran behind the apartments and houses on our block. that’s where i met two men who were working on the renovation of an old two-family house next to my house. both men were in their 30s, wore jeans and tee shirts and work boots. one was tall, at least 6-4, and thin with long blonde hair and a beard. the other was slightly shorter, around six feet tall, much heavier and more muscular, with short dark hair. i don’t know their names but will call them A (the blonde man) and B (the thick, brutally strong man).

as i walked down the alleyway, both men noticed me, whistled and called out to me. “hey, sexy” and “hey, cutie” or something like that. i smiled at them nervously but i felt a kind of satisfaction that they noticed me. i slowed my walk a little and A told me to come closer, said they “didn’t bite.” he asked me where i went to school and how old i was. i told him and he said, “you’re very sexy for a 12-year-old, especially in that little plaid skirt.” as he said this, he reached out and took my hair in his fingers and said he loved long blonde hair. B moved much closer to me.

i was scared now, sorry i had stopped and talked to them. i nervously whispered “thank you,” and started backing away, saying i had to get home. it was then that A grabbed my hair tightly and B grabbed me and picked me up like a rag doll. A told me to be quiet and everything would be okay. As he said this, B pulled me into the back of a windowless white work van and A got in the driver’s seat.

i was in the van about 20 minutes, i think, but it seemed forever. during that ride in the van, B held me down on the hard carpeted floor, straddling my chest so it was hard for me to breathe, especially because i was scared and starting to cry. i begged them to take me home, i promised not to tell anyone. B reached down and fingered me, pushing my panties into my vagina, and roughly squeezed and rubbed my tiny tits. then he undid his pants and rubbed his hard, very thick, dark cock over my lips and face as i cried and begged. he pushed his cock into my mouth so i gagged but i couldn’t stop him. he told me to be quiet. “you’ll be okay,” he said. B’s cock was thick like a soda can and probably 7 inches long. he was shaved down there.

i didn’t know where they took me except that A drove the van into a big, garage-like building that was a workshop. there were all kinds of tools and work tables and workbenches. there were sawhorses, saws, lumber, paint cans, sheetrock. A opened the van and the two men pulled me out. i was shaking and crying and my blouse and skirt and hair were a mess. my panties were still on but pushed up into my vagina. it hurt there a little where B fingered me. i had the taste and smell of B’s cock in my mouth and on my face.

i was only 12 years old and i was scared. i thought of things i had read, what people sometimes said to me about “being careful.” when i looked around the place where they brought me, i actually thought these men might kill and dismember me after they raped me. but i was lucky because they only raped me.

as soon as they pulled me out of the van, A slapped me and told me to stop crying and be quiet. he promised to take me home soon. A was holding me by my hair.

i remember what he said that as he pulled my head down and told me to get on my knees. “let’s start with something easy, my little slut.” it hurt kneeling on the cement floor as A told me to undo and unzip his pants and take his cock out. i was shaking and sobbing but i did what he told me. it was difficult getting his cock untangled from his underwear. he was very hard and at least 8 inches. he wasn’t as thick as B, but it was more than i imagined since i was a virgin really and this was new and i was scared.

as i took A’s cock out, B moved up to me with his cock in his hand. the two men then took turns, one and then the other, making me suck their big, hard cocks, using my tight, warm little 12-year-old mouth for the very first time. they gradually got rougher, forcing their cocks deeper, slapping my face and pulling my hair. they made me drool and gag and choke on their cocks. they let me catch my breath a little as i sobbed on sore knees. they did this, forced me to suck their cocks, throat fucked me, for awhile, until they wanted to finish things i guess.

A pulled me up by my hair. B grabbed me and put me onto my back at one end of a long, rectangular work table. now my shoulder blades hurt pressed down on the hard wood. A held me by my hair in one hand and leaned over me. with his other hand, he reached under my polo shirt, pushed up my bra and roughly squeezed and fondled my tits. B pulled my panties down so they were stretched around my ankles. except for pushing my bra up and pulling my panties down, they left me dressed in my school clothes when they raped me.

i remember A said, “turn her around,” and B pulled me roughly around so my legs dangled off one side of the width of the table and my head hung off the other side. the two men then took turns with me. B started by holding my head and pushing his cock into my mouth as A pushed apart my legs, rubbed his cock up and down my tight, 12-year-old slit and eventually pushed 8 inches of hard cock into me. A’s penetration hurt me, his cock too big. he took my virginity forever. i was crying when i felt his cock push deeper and tear me. my mouth was full of B’s cock. it was B’s cock that muffled the sounds and the tears and the blood of the rape. it was B’s hand that grabbed my throat and choked me as A ejaculated deep inside me, flooding me with the semen of my first rapist.

i cried and struggled to catch my breath as the two men switched places. holding me down, A pushed his thick, sticky, bloodied cock in my mouth as B pushed my legs apart and pressed on my stomach before he roughly penetrated me. i remember his words—“i want to feel my cock inside you,” as his hand pressed down. B thrust hard a few times before he ejaculated, pumping my torn, swollen young cunt with another big load of semen even as i struggled and choked on A’s again-hard cock. i was crying, gasping as the two men each stepped back a little, their cocks sliding sticky and stained from my mouth and cunt. the rape was finished, i hoped, as i lay on my back with my head and legs dangling off the table. i felt it all between my legs and still tasted and felt the stickiness in my mouth.

they let me lie there a minute crying and thinking. they told me i was “a good little whore” but that i need to be more careful. they reminded me that they knew where i lived and that i should make sure everything that happened stays “our little secret.”

A pulled me roughly off the table and told me to straighten-up my clothes and hair. i was still sobbing and shaking as did this and B said, “let me help you.” B “helped me” by reaching under my skirt and pushing my panties up deeply into my swollen, cum-filled, bloody, sticky cunt.

they did bring me home. they threw me into the back of the van and left me off where they grabbed me a couple hours earlier, about twenty feet from my front door. when i finally i got home i lay in my bed alone and held my stained white cotton panties. i rubbed and felt between my legs, where it hurt a lot, and my fingers smelled like semen. there were traces of dried semen and a little blood high up on the inside of my thighs. i hurt but my mind was numb. when i eventually undressed and showered, i was trying to wash the two men off my body. i never told anyone what happened and i never have been able to wash those two men, and what they did with me, from my mind.

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