some further confessions of my sexual experiences before college

kacey writes more about her sexual experiences in middle school and high school

i often write about my sexual experiences. you might have read the poems i wrote during my senior year in high school or the stories i have posted online under the name “kacey.” i always think about about my sexual experiences—the things that have happened to me—and i want to write everything like a confession.

i was 12 years old when two men raped me. i’ve written about that recently for the first time. until i wrote about it recently, i pretended it never happened even though it probably made me who i am, a needy, submissive slut. some things i remember about that rape that i didn’t write about are how the two men’s jeans and underwear were pulled down around their work boots when they raped me, how much it hurt when i walked home afterwards and for a few days afterwards, how much semen was inside me and on my panties, and how i stopped socializing after that but thought about sex all the time—i fantasized about older men and rough sex. it was then that i started watching porn online. until recently, i never talked about what happened when i was 12 and always said my first sexual experience wasn’t until i was 13.

as far as that experience, i was 13 years old and about to enter eighth grade. as it happened, i realized it was real, the hard, thick cock alive in my mouth. i had never done this before consensually—except for the two men who raped me when i was 12, i had only read about it or watched it at porn sites or pretended to do it in an adult chat room where i lied about my age and met men online. i met this man just as it was getting dark at the maintenance shed in a deserted park, where he told me to meet him. i was nervous and wasn’t sure what to expect but he knew what to do. i went into the shed with him and he locked the door and put a cushion on the floor for me. i remember i was wearing it shorts and a tee shirt and was braless. he was wearing jeans. it took about fifteen minutes for him to get what he wanted. i was nervous and scared but i wanted it too. it was the first time i swallowed all the love a man had to give me.

i was 14 years old and in eighth grade. it was during christmas break. i was lying on a bed and heard the music and noises outside the bedroom door, sounds of the party that filled the big house where he had brought me. i went to a private all-girls school. he was a senior in a public high school nearby. i was alone and drunk and felt nauseous from too much vodka punch. my dress was still on but it was pulled up around my waist. my bra was half off. my panties were on the floor beside the bed. he was gone but i remembered feeling him on top of me and his rock-hard cock inside me. i remembered the penetration and the pain when he pushed roughly inside me and the repeated hard thrusts until he finally stopped. he left the used condom on my stomach. he knew what he was doing but didn’t know i already had lost my virginity when i was 12.

in the spring when i was in eighth grade, it was early may, i answered an ad for a modeling gig on craigslist. i lied about my age. i went to a hotel room right after school, still dressed in my private school uniform, a white blouse and blue plaid wrap skirt. i remember that i was wearing brand new white sneakers and ankle socks that day. the man was probably around 50 and wasn’t any kind of professional photographer. as it turned out, it didn’t matter that i was only 14. he liked how i was dressed and didn’t make me take any of my clothes off. he just had me kneel at the foot of the bed and took his cock out so i could blow him. he stayed hard because he used a drug. he told me to get up on the bed and then he pushed my skirt up and spread my legs and left my panties on and fucked me. that was my first modeling gig.

i was almost 15 years old and about to enter high school. it was the week before my mom and i moved to new york. i was home alone one morning when a forty year old man visited me. he knew my mom and aunt and that i would be alone. he pulled me down a hallway to my bedroom to show me how he felt about me. he made me get on my knees and open my mouth first and then he pushed me down on my bed and forced my legs apart so he could finish things. he didn’t care that his size hurt me or that he might leave me pregnant. he wanted to show me what a man can do to me. he didn’t want me to forget his visit. he left me sobbing on my bed with semen leaking out of me and a dark secret.

i had just turned 15 when a man hired me for my first job, working as a waitress. i had just moved to new york. i was in my first year of high school. i didn’t have any friends. this man who hired me took good care of me all through high school. he even let me call him daddy. he had a wife and two daughters but i was his favorite waitress. he had private meetings with me almost every week. by the time i turned 16, he had introduced me to at least a half-dozen of his friends who sometimes needed a little blonde helper, especially during the pandemic.

from the beginning of my sophomore year in high school, i started meeting random men sometimes after getting off work. i remember one night when i was lying naked on a bed, curled up on my side. there were two men talking, sometimes laughing, in the living room. they were finished with me. my legs were clenched tightly together, one on top of the other, and it hurt when i moved. i reached down where i felt the stickiness and pain, sliding my fingers down between my ass cheeks, and i remember seeing semen and traces of blood on my fingers. they let me shower before they took me back to my car. there were still marks on my wrists a week later from the plastic zip ties.

i remember the beginning and ending of the summer before my senior year of high school. i was 17. in june, i met a man while waiting tables and, after work, went to his hotel room to strip for him. he paid me one hundred dollars and raped me. i invited it and probably deserved it. in august, i was interviewed by a man to be the hostess for a fantasy football draft party. after passing an oral exam, i was hired to work at the party. there were eight men at the party and i remember stripping off one article of clothing at a time, seeing my bra and panties auctioned off, being naked in black high heels, learning how to lap dance, and being on my knees for every one of these eight men at different times to suck their cock and swallow their cum. afterwards, when the party was over, the two men who sponsored the party gave me a generous tip, pinioned me and took turns penetrating my mouth and pussy until they were finished and ready to take me home. i continued to see these men during my senior year in high school and they sometimes arranged dates for me involving multiple men.

i was 18 and had just started my senior year in high school. a man i know arranged a hotel date for me near a local casino. he was in his forties, tall and very well equipped.  he made me feel like i was in a hotshots video. he was the first man who put a ball gag on me. it made me drool but kept me quieter so no one would hear any of the things that hurt. i saw him a few more times before i graduated from high school and he sent me champagne to celebrate.

a much older man from the fantasy football draft made an arrangement with me. i saw him almost every week during my senior year. i went to his car dealership when it was closed for business so he could feel me and put me on my knees to suck his cock and send me on my way with benjamin franklin warming my pocket. i still see him when i’m home from school.

i was 18 and leaving for college in a month. it was july 2023. to say goodbye, two men took me for a two-night stay at a resort casino hotel. we chose that weekend because my mom was away for a class reunion. two other men met us at the hotel. i will write about this in detail someday, but that weekend four older men gang-fucked me friday night and again on saturday night. they also did other things alone with me and brought at least three other men to my room for sex on saturday night. this was my send-off to college.

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