I (15) have fucked up thoughts about my trans online friend (17)

I have an online friend who is a transgender girl, and I have been having some very fucked up thoughts involving her and wish they’d come true.

I am 15 and I have been friends with a 17 year old trans-girl who I met online a year ago. We are reasonably close and talk a lot (although I an very clingy). Despite my clinginess and weirdness she still treats me with respect and she’s always so kind to me. I had developed feelings for her since we had met and they never went away, sadly she never showed any liking (in that way) back to me as she has a boyfriend.

As we continued speaking and I fell for her more, I began getting more and more jealous and falling into a dark rabbit hole on the internet, seeing fucked up things and thinking of terrible things. For a long time I couldn’t get the fantasy out of my head of just suddenly harassing her sexually over dms, asking sexually personal questions, saying degrading things, sending nsfw images, etc. She’s a very patient and curious girl so I know she wouldn’t immediately block and would leave it going for a bit. The more I thought of it the more it turned me on, but I knew I didn’t want to ruin my friendship with her.

I tried to forget about that fantasy however I couldn’t and it just kept getting worse! When eventually my fucked up mind came up with an idea: getting someone else, who she doesn’t know, to harass her and them send me the dms. Then I kept thinking of it, and it turned me on even more! I couldn’t get it out of my mind and it just had to happen. So I went to some friends who I trusted, went on my nsfw twitter and went searching far and wide but sadly nobody ever wanted to do it for me, my fantasy left to my thoughts never to be achieved.

I still think of her when jerking off every day, we’re still great friends and she has no idea I think of her this way, I’m sure she’d be disgusted.

If anyone wants to talk to me and fantasise with me about my friend, message me on telegram @g00n1ngf4rU and thanks for reading!

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