High Beam

It was scary, and exciting, but I got my first stimulation between my legs…

There was a pretty bad snowstorm, and it was almost Christmas, so we’re on Winter Break. My brother went out to play in all the snow, but I slept in, and drank hot chocolate on the couch. He came home, and said “You’ve got to see this!”

“What?” I got up.

“Well, you know the big No Trespassing fence, across the river?” It wasn’t really a river, more like a canal they filled in with concrete to drain all the water when it rained real bad, or the snow melted, so the whole neighborhood didn’t flood.

I got all bundled up, because Kenny was so excited, just to see what was behind the fence. “Well, this tree fell down across the fence, so you don’t have to climb over.” He explained on the way, but it wasn’t far. I mostly just blew in my mittens over my face to keep my nose warm.

I was really surprised that the water wasn’t frozen at all. It had some pieces of ice floating down it, but that was basically it. Even though most of the roofs I could see had icicles starting to drip, and freeze on the gutters.

So then, we got to the tree, and there was lots of branches on this side. “It’s like a bridge, see?” He pulled himself up on one of the branches, and held his hand down to help me up. Then, he let go and stuck his arms out, to balance. Walked along with his feet down the middle, but it wasn’t really a very big log.

“Come on,” he turned around, and waved me over on the other side. I was shaking bad enough from the cold, but holding onto branches like that, it shook the whole tree, and made the log look even more wobbly. So, instead of trying to walk across, I got down on my hands and knees first. It wasn’t wide enough for that, so then I let my legs hang down to pull myself along.

That warmed me up! I got out of breath too, but I just thought it was the exercise at first. Then, I really started to enjoy the rough bark through my heavy pants, and lighter underwear. “It’s really hard!” I looked up, but Kenny just said “It should be wide enough for you to crawl.”

Sure enough, I got my knees up under me, and crawled far enough for him to hop down. “Careful through the barbed wire,” he held it back, in between the sharp points, but it was actually a coil of Razor Wire across the top.

Kenny said stuff like that all the time, and I knew better than to correct him, because it made him feel stupid, and hurt his feelings. He held my jacket to steady me, and had to pull the hood out from one of the barbs so I could keep going without ripping it off my head.

Then, it was pretty boring on the other side. There was a lot of frozen mud around the roots that pulled up when the tree fell over, and a slippery slope to climb up. Since the mud ran down to the “River,” and the leaves were frozen to it, but we kept slipping.

Then, we got up to a building at the top. There was about 10 feet of flat dried frozen grass around it, and trees below that, but there was nothing to explore. Just a corrugated metal wall, and icicles dripping from the roof. Around the corner there was an empty parking lot, and doors which were locked. No windows to look in really.

“I’m bored, and it’s cold out here, so we better go back home.” I covered my nose, and blew into my mittens again to warm it up, but it started running. So, I had to suck the snot in, hawk it up, and spit. Instead of wipe my nose on my mittens, it was gross, but our way back around to the tree.

This time I knew what to expect, and I even put my arms out to balance across the broken fence. Then, I got down, and hugged it with my legs, but I humped my way along as hard as I could. It felt really good, and I was a little disappointed when I got to the other side. “Huh!” I sat up, and even took my hood off, to feel my sweaty hair start to freeze, I was so hot.

Then, I put it back up to walk home, and I got cold again, so I had to blow in my mittens, and keep my hands warm. Then, mom helped us out of our muddy clothes. She didn’t say anything, because it was snowy, wet, and muddy. Not even close to the first time we went out to play, and came back covered in it like this, but as soon as I got warm again.

“I’ll heat up the hot chocolate.” Kenny went in the kitchen with her, while I went in my room to find something to hump. The problem was, I didn’t really have anything like that. I mean, of course I didn’t have a real live tree across my bedroom, but all of it was either too soft like my pillow, or too narrow like the foot of my bed.

This had a kind of round thing between the bedposts. I don’t even know what it’s called, but nowadays, I can say it was probably turned on a lathe? It got fatter, and skinnier, but even at it’s thickest, it’s only a couple inches thick. Also, the foot of my mattress got in the way, so my other leg hung down too high to touch the floor, and it was awkward.

Trying to find a position that wasn’t too comfortable? I mean, I still had to rub the smooth surface in hard enough to feel it, but not too hard, so it hurt. It was too smooth too, but then I started thinking about the living room, and the dining room. Which is just one end of the living room, but there is this little wall between them, and another round carved post on the end.

What I really thought about was the rafters, because it’s a vaulted ceiling, and peaked like the roof. Sideways so you can look out the window up on the triangle, straight across the street. If you can get up there, which is the tricky part, but another thing is there’s this beam. All the way across, where the ceiling was when there was an attic up there.

Not no more, mom wanted a vaulted ceiling for some reason, and dad did most of the work himself, but he had to get this carpenter guy to stain the beam, so it looked less ugly? They didn’t really think about it, but that beam had been up in the attic for who knows how long. So, he had to get up there, and sand it off, then paint it with some varnish that made it darker, and match the rest of the woodwork.

I thought that was perfect, and I was right. I just had to wait for everyone to leave me alone in the house, so I didn’t get caught up there. Since it was right out front, where anybody could come out, and the first time I climbed up. The little wall to the dining room made that pretty easy, but then I got on it to hump my way out, and I found that the top of it was unfinished.

The carpenter guy didn’t bother sanding it smooth, or staining it carefully, since you can’t see it from the living room. “Uh!” I found a good rough spot, and even crossed my ankles, to dig in my heel, and hump it harder. “Ngh, mh!” I bit my lip, and tried to hold my breath, so I wasn’t too loud, but I knew how bad it was.

It was also scary, but that thrill just added to the excitement, and there was always the possibility. Okay, I knew, my brother Kenny. He always gets up hungry, and goes to get a “Midnight snack,” some time in the middle of the night. Pretty much every night, but I heard him flush the toilet first. He went to the bathroom, then he came out with a robe on because it was still pretty chilly in the house.

I guess, maybe that was part of it, too? Doing it out in the cold, so I can really feel myself warming up, and that just added to the thrill of doing it dangerously. I could fall, or get caught, but I lay down with my feet up behind me so they didn’t hang down. ‘huh,’ stopped holding my breath once he got in the kitchen, and tried to breathe quietly, but at the same time, toying with the idea that he might hear me.

He could look up any time, and even see me. My bare legs, and my underwear. My nightgown hanging down, and asking me what I’m doing up there. That wasn’t all, I also felt a little proud of myself for getting away with it, so young.

You see, I had friends, with older sisters that started puberty. Some of them got “The talk” from their mothers, and some of those told their little sisters, until it eventually got back to me. Adult stuff, where babies come from, and what it means when a boy gets a hard-on for you. Where he wants to put it, and squirt you full of baby batter so you get pregnant, your tits get heavy with milk to feed babies, the whole shebang.

Also, the bad stuff. Of course, the older girls complained about cramps, bleeding, and the irritability of having cramps, and bleeding, but not even being allowed to complain about it. So, they complained about it to their sisters, and sometimes their little sister’s friends. I’m sorry to bother you with all this gross stuff, but honestly it sucks.

I only mention it, because most of the sexy stuff was like little commercial breaks, in between watching a documentary, in a slaughterhouse. Choked off cries of pain, with the disturbing odor of gore, slowly dripping on the floor to wash down the drain. Ew gross, right? Well, it’s important because a friend of mine went Code Red in 4th grade, and I had to help her clean up after it. She even fingered out most of it, so it stopped leaking out for a little while, but it was so gross, and not sexy. It just happened to be there first time I saw a girl, or woman finger herself, really roughly, but for a completely different reason. To get the blobs out.

I guess it was also my first real good look at a girl’s privates. Mom didn’t walk around the house naked, and put her feet up on the coffee table to let it breathe. I hadn’t found a good way to set up a mirror, and get a good look at what I was playing with. Honestly, I barely touched myself with my bare fingers, there was usually at least some toilet paper or a wet washcloth in the way, because it was just basic genital maintenance.

Also, I woke up to my sexuality, the hard way. Humping a log, bundled up in layers, out in the cold right in front of my brother. Who was oblivious, he was mostly thinking about what might be behind the No Trespassing fence, then he was disappointed the whole way back. So, I had a secret, a dirty little secret, and I started getting off on it.

Literally, humping the beam to mindblowing orgasms once he went back to bed. That thrill of almost getting caught, then getting away with it was just enough to push me over the edge. I also learned a trick breathing, with my abdominal muscles:

Holding onto the crossbeam at the top of the dining room wall I was steady enough to hump without falling off. With a loud crash that would give it way, but also daring myself to do it. I knew it would hurt, I could fall and break my neck, or at least an arm if I landed wrong. Again, it was scary, but exciting. Like the thrill of leaning back in a chair until you almost tip over, and catching yourself at the last second so you don’t?

Well, that first time, I was holding my breath. Then, I couldn’t but I couldn’t really breathe, either. So, it was like “Huh huh huh huh huh!” That made me shake, and my tummy spasm like a trampoline. Which pulled my crotch over the beam, and made it saw back and forth through my shorts. So, I managed to gasp in a breath, and do it again. “Huhuhuhuh!” On purpose, gasp, and do it again and again until I got dizzy from the orgasmic pleasure.

So, I had to put my shoulders down on the crossbeam, and hold on. Catch my breath, and eventually climb down. Still glowing with satisfaction, but ever since then. I’ve been practicing, that shallow breathing. So it shudders, and makes my abs tense up with twitches of pleasure.

Inside and out, that really helps me build up to a powerful climax. So, I added it to my bag of tricks. The next ones came for Christmas early, but they weren’t given to me. Okay, in our family, we get to open a present early. How early depends on how nicely we beg, but “Just one,” and that tides us over to Christmas day.

This year, mom, and dad got each other gifts. They opened early, but they took back in their room. Kenny got a new Action Figure, so he was too busy pulling the guns, and stuff out of the plastic bubbles to stick it in his hands, and make “Pwh!” Shooting noises.

I got a sweater, a pretty nice sweater, hand knit from my aunt, but it was still just a sweater. All I had to do was put it on, but the way mom, and dad took theirs into their room. I knew that they had to be some Adult things. I had no idea, other than dad’s was this box the exact same size, and shape as a VHS cassette.

A movie, a dirty movie, and sure enough, I could hear him moan over the porno music before mom “Shushed” him. Then, I hear muffled moans, and whispers, but I can’t be sure whether she covered his mouth, or stuffed something in to muffle him.

Whatever she was doing, she was really giving him the business! He loved it, which just piqued my curiosity, until I got a chance to find out. They went out to this Christmas party, for adults. No, not a Swinger party, or anything like that. (I don’t think) A drinking party, so they came home drunk, went to bed, and woke up with hang-overs.

While they’re gone though. It was my turn to grab Kenny, and drag him up to their room. “What is it?”

“I don’t know, but I need your help to find out.” I had to get on his shoulders, to reach the box up on the top shelf of their closet, but I knew that’s where they had to be hiding it, because I’d heard dad pulling it down, and putting it back when he, and mom got frisky.

I don’t mean intimate, even I was starting to tell when they were going to do something normal. The kinds of things a husband and wife would usually do, when the kids weren’t around. Then, my dad would get this dirty grin on his face, when mom whispered something in his ear. Then she nodded, and he turned to tell us to go out and play.

So, they had normal husband wife sex, and then they had something special they liked to do sometimes. I could certainly empathize, because I was starting to enjoy my own, peculiar kinks. Like heights, humping hard wood, and the chance of getting caught, but getting away with it. Hopefully with a good scare like my brother coming out for a midnight snack.

Then, I found the toybox, and he put me down to watch it on their TV/VCR. One of those late 80s/early 90s ones, with the VCR built in, underneath the TV screen, but before DVDs really hit the market. They had Laser Disks (The size of records) but mom, and dad didn’t buy any. They had friends that showed them off, because it was that kind of new high tech gizmos, and gadget neighborhoods. Whenever you got something like that, you threw a big party to invite everyone over, and show off their little piece of The Future.

Sorry, I digress. The whole point of that is the holidays are filled with parties like that. “Everyone, come over for cocktails so I can show off my new blender that can crush a glacier, and makes perfect frozen margaritas!” That’s where my parents probably were.

Then, Kenny dug around in the pile of dildos, and pulled out the butt-plug. “What’s this?”

I’d never seen one before, but I’d heard about it. Mostly giggled, when one of the older sisters said “Butt Plug” out loud, because we’re all 9, 10, and 11 year olds, so it was mostly a joke.

“Oh, that goes in your butt.” He dropped it like it was on fire, and covered up his backside, like he was expecting a swat from someone invisible behind him. “Well, somebody’s butt. Let’s see what mom, and dad were watching.” Since there was only one tape in there, but it said [Back Door Babes] right on the sticker, and the butt-plug was a pretty good warning of what to expect.

“Oh oh yes!”

I looked back at Kenny, who shook his head. “You don’t think dad is doing that to mom?”

“Well, only because she likes it.” I forgot that it was her, hushing dad for the moment. Holding his mouth, or gagging him, so he didn’t moan too loud, when I was listening through the door. “She wouldn’t have a special butt plug.”

He giggled, just like the girls did.

I pointed to it on the bed, “If she doesn’t like it.”

“Doesn’t that hurt?” He shook his head.

“I don’t know, but.” I picked it up, carefully, and sniffed it. “They probably wash it, after they use it.” I put it back.

“Well,” he tried to laugh nervously. “I know what those other things are. They’re supposed to be dicks, so you know where those go.”

“Yeah.” I was blushing real hard, and it got too awkward, so I just left. “Huh!” I chickened out first, and leaned back in the hall. Listening to the moans from the TV until he turned it off. “Uh, you better run that back to 0.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s started at the middle, but.” I went back in. “If you run it back until the numbers reach 0, then.” I stopped it when the numbers on the screen went negative, then let it play to the exact right spot. Stopped it with the dick pulling out in closeup. So, you couldn’t see the blonde with the short spiky hair bent over the yellow circle pillow, just the dick pulled out of her butthole in closeup.

“Uh?” I shook my head, and popped the tape out, but the problem was we’re too young. Even Kenny was too young for the revelation that our mom, and dad were not only having sex, but up the butt. With toys, quite a lot of sex toys, but I pointed out, “Now dad won’t know that we got it out, and watched it the next time he does.”

“Oh, we better put them back, then.”

“Yeah.” I wasn’t really picturing mom, and dad, in my head. Not that graphically, because I hadn’t seen it. Anything really except for maybe a flash of bush in a magazine, or something. We talked about it, but giggled because it was a joke, and as risky as my sexual behavior was getting, it was still very much dry humping, through clothes, and not that graphic.

So, I learned my lesson: Don’t watch the tapes, but also, both of us learned where mom, and dad hid the dirty stuff. Oh yeah, Kenny showed me where dad hid his nudie mags. I guess he didn’t want to get up, and go all the way to the closet, just to watch a movie. He also had relatively softcore stuff like [Hot Wife] magazine, and [Big Butts.]

Okay, he was a butt man, we established that, but again. Nothing “Euro,” you’re lucky to see a little bush at the bottom of the picture, but nothing more graphic than that. They had magazines like that, available. OUI was basically Playboy’s way around showing bush, while Penthouse was still showing girls with sex toys, but only pointing them in the general direction with big grins on their faces.

I didn’t know anyone with anything even that graphic in their collections. Except for mom, and dad’s sex tapes, which I was afraid to watch because of how that ended up, the first time. Of course, Kenny was spanking it, when he got the chance. He just didn’t do it around me, even that one time we got the dirty sex box down together. I can’t even say whether or not he got a boner, it was so awkward, and we looked a little too far down the dark hole, to find that it had shit in it.

Then, it turns out he was the least of my worries. It got me even hotter and hornier at night, when I snuck up to hump the rafters, but I also stole a little plastic mirror from a friend’s house. Her dollhouse had one of those old fashioned stand up mirrors, that flipped over like a double blackboard in a schoolhouse.

It was only a couple inches wide, and a few inches tall. Fuschia plastic since it came with her Barbie Dream Home, but since there were a lot of girls around. I took it while nobody was looking, and went to the bathroom. That way, it was anybody’s guess which one swiped it, and all the other girls would deny it, since they were innocent, but nobody asked.

Of course, I got the double thrill of doing something naughty for sex, and getting away with it. So, by the time I got my undies down, and set it up on the floor mat, my crotch was already warm, and red. Anticipating it, and I could still hear them across the hall. Talking, laughing, and completely oblivious that I was in here.

Not peeing, and pooping, but looking at my sex between my legs, and starting to play around as much as I could without covering it up with my fingers. I spread it wide open, and looked for my clit. Another word, I knew it was short for Clitoris, but I’d never seen one. Let alone mine, and I couldn’t put my finger on it right away, but I had little wrinkles to search through.

I’d tried masturbating with my fingers, but I’d pretty much rubbed myself raw, humping the hardest roughest wood I could get my legs around, and they cleaned up the tree right away. The first one, I’d discovered how to hump on> yeah, in fact they’d even repaired the fence, and put a brand new [No Trespassing] sign up.

I didn’t have anything like that, the side of the tub was hard enough, but too smooth, and ice cold. I knew that from humping mine at home, but I got a good look at what I was dealing with. So, I got up, and tucked the mirror in the back of my underwear. Pulled my shirt out over it, and went to put on my jacket. “I have to go home,” I hugged my friends, and said goodbye, but then I got home with barely enough time to hide the mirror in my room before mom called me out.

Then, Zach came over from across the street, to see Kenny he said, but I knew right away he was lying. For one thing, Kenny thought he hated him, because he always called him childish names, for being younger. Just one of those 6 grader/3rd grader things. Then Middle School/Elementary School things.

Since he was a couple years older, and almost a teenager, he didn’t want to be seen with “A little boy,” so he pretty much didn’t come over to our house. Then, right in the door he looked up at the beam, looked over at me, and looked away when he saw me watching him.

Of course I was watching him, because he just came right in the door, but then I looked up at the window. The big round window, in the top of the front wall, with some sort of bars across it. I don’t know if it was 4 panes with boards to separate them, or 1 big round one with boards inside or out, because I haven’t really gotten up there to get a close look at it.

It’s halfway across from the beam down the middle of the room, and you can’t really see anything out of it from up there, except the house across the street…

“Oh,” I actually said “Oh,” out loud, “Can you excuse me?”

“Is she okay?” he came over to the bottom of the stairs before I got in the door, and leaned up against it, trying to breathe. My heart beating out of control, but it surprised me more than anything that it wasn’t exciting. Just scary, terrifying really. After all the times I fantasized about someone walking in the living room, and looking up, to see what I was doing, when I realized that somebody had actually been watching all this time.

I’d been caught, like I never actually wanted to, and that’s when it dawned on me that getting away with it. I hadn’t actually gotten away with it? “How could I be so stupid?” I didn’t have a good answer for that, right away. When honestly, I’d forgotten about that window completely.

It wasn’t right in front of me, it was off to the side, and I was too focused on what I was doing. Lately, that was taking my big dong up there with me, since I found one at the bottom of the box that had been forgotten so long, it was even a little dusty.

There were a lot of them down there, so I had my pick, and I guessed that none of them would be missed. So, that ment I didn’t have to wait for mom, and dad to leave. Get Kenny to pick me up on the shoulders again. I had my own stolen dick, to joke about to myself.

“I wouldn’t touch that with a stolen dick,” but this was one of the more realistic ones, in every way except for size. Of course it was large, there were even larger ones that were still being used, but it also had a molded head. Hard bulging veins on the sides, and even flat rubbery balls to hold on the crossbar with my thumbs, while I practiced sucking it.

No way it was going in there, by the way. Not only was it too big to even seriously imagine (Or I was too small for it to fit) I hadn’t had anything in there, all the way. I’d barely touched my cherry, enough to find out that I couldn’t feel the holes with my fingers, but I could see them in the little mirror. All 14 of them, I counted.

He left with Kenny, so I could come out when dad knocked on the door, and asked me, “You all right?”

“Huh, yeah. I was just feeling a little light headed for a moment there.”

“Well, you looked scared to death.”

“Well, you know how he’s been bullying Kenny for years.”

“No, but has he said anything to you?”

“No, oh no. Not at all, I didn’t even know what his voice sounded like before, but Kenny told me.”

“Well, it seems that they’ve gotten over it.” He patted my back, “So they can be friends.” I nodded, and mumbled how that was good. Even though I didn’t believe it as much as I wanted to.

Sure enough, I knew that he never came over to tell Kenny he was sorry, and he just wanted to see me. He even tried to talk to me, but with my whole family there, he couldn’t before I ran away. Of course, I didn’t want to tell anyone what I was afraid of, least of all my dad, but then I quit going up there after dark. I was too scared to, in the worst kind of way, because I knew that there was no secret. Just the chance that Zach might be watching kept me in bed with the covers up, trying not to cry for 1 night.

That night, it was honestly the worst night of my life. I started hating him at some point, because he ruined it for me, and of course I’d gotten so addicted to the good/bad feelings that I craved them, too. I also wondered how much he saw, really.

For one thing, I wasn’t naked up there. In fact, I dressed up in my silkiest fabric just for the occasion, and that was part of it too. Almost a ritual by that point, and I have to say that it was probably less than a week. Maybe 10 days at the most, but with little else to do, I pretty much spent every waking hour obsessed with it.

Also, it was dark up there. So dark that I had to do everything by feel, even the dong was in the shadow of the beams from the light in the kitchen. Over the stove, shining on the wall of the dining room, so that was about all the light I had up there, which was next to none. That got me trying to picture it from outside.

What I actually looked like, through the bullseye window. It occurred to me that it’s basically like the crosshair of a rifle scope, though I didn’t know to call it that. So, I thought of it as a “Bullseye,” and I was so sexually frustrated that I tried my hardest to masturbate. That just made it even more frustrating, because I could get a little pleasure out of it, but not enough.

So, I wound up teasing myself all night, and then tried to imagine what Zach was doing. Standing in front of his bedroom window, getting a hard on, and rubbing it in his pants. Then, unzipping it slowly to stick his fingers inside, and rub it through his underwear. Not hard enough, “Uh!”

Then, I got up, and looked for something to hump. I went around the room, and tried everything again. I found an exercise step I’d been using to reach the hangers in my closet. Another one of those old forgotten things, it came from a Step Aerobics video, that mom didn’t do any more.

“Huh!” I realized that it made her butt too small. Maybe dad finally complained, and I tried to remember when mom stopped asking, if her butt looked too big. Of course not, dad liked it big, and fat. He loved it so much that he started fucking her in it, and got her a butt plug to loosen up. While they watched Back Door Babes getting pounded on the TV VCR, and even though the step was high enough to stand on with one leg.

The other leg was up on the end of the mattress, so it didn’t hurt. I was so insensitive from humping the beam by then, I couldn’t even get off on my fingers. That’s why I was back to the round thing on the end of my bed, but it was sideways. “Uh!” I just gave up when my calf started to cramp. Flopped back on my bed to rub it out of my muscle, and gave up.

“Huh!” Still horny, and even more sexually frustrated than I started, but if I fell asleep at all, I missed it. I was actually relieved when it started getting light enough to see through my eye lids, and sat up. Pulled my underwear back on, and went to the window to check.

Sure enough, it wasn’t just getting light, but now there was a fresh layer of snow in the back yard. Before it got too bright to look without squinting, and covering my eyes, I saw the igloo in the back yard.

Well, “Igloo.” Pretend igloo, instead of cutting out blocks to stack up in a spiral. The way we saw them do in some Inuit movie, we just piled it up, and poked sticks through it. So, you can dig it out until you get to the inside of the sticks, and that’s how you know you’ve still got about a foot of snow left so it doesn’t collapse.

Snow dome, I guess. We just drew some lines on the outside, after we patted the snow from the inside to make it look like a real Igloo. “Huh!” I went out, and took a hot bath to warm up, and wash the stale sexual tension out of my crotch. I’d never gone that long, even with multiple orgasms. So, it had never gotten a chance to build up that much, but honestly, I stank.

Then, I dried my hair, and got dressed. Bundled up in layers, but with no underwear on, and went out to the snow. “Huh!” I had to uncover the mouth, and shovel some snow out to open up the mouth of the arch. Then, I shoveled a trail back, so I didn’t have to stick my feet in, and pull them out with every step.

Kenny came out, “Playing Inuit this morning?”

“No, what did you and Zach do yesterday, while you’re out?”

“Nothing?” He looked away, and stuck his hands in his pockets, heading back.

“So, you just talked, what about?” 3 guesses.

“Huh, okay.” He turned around, and took me bye the arm. Leaned over to lower his voice, leading me back to the fence. “Have you been taking mom’s sex toys up in the rafters with you at night?”

I just giggled, and nodded. “No, just one. I didn’t know anyone was watching, but. Huh!” I took a deep breath, and then I didn’t feel ready, so I blew it out, and took another one. “Huh!”

“What aren’t you telling me?”

“Well, you know how you always get up in the middle of the night?”

“Not always.”

“Kenneth.” I looked him in the eyes, and shook my head, seriously. “I was there, every night since. Well, since that tree fell down, I guess.”

“So? I can’t sleep on an empty stomach, you know that.”

“Well,” I can’t help giggling, so I blew in my hands, to warm up my nose. “I know you never look up.”

“So, what were you doing up there, exactly?”

“Didn’t he tell you? Ask Zach.”

“He wouldn’t tell me, he just made excuses, and said it was too dark.”

“Well, it is pretty dark up there, but I’ve been practicing.” I pulled his jacket, so he could lean down, and whispered, ‘b js.’

“Blow jobs?”

“Hihihn! Yeah.”

“Like the What He Wants movie?”

“What? No, what movie?”

“The new one, haven’t you seen it?”

“No, you know I can’t get up there by myself, so if I’d gotten a chance, then you would have been there.”

“Why didn’t you just get the ladder for the attic?”

“Uh!” I shook my head. “Because, I didn’t think of it?” They’ve got this double ladder, or 2 halfs of a ladder, in the upstairs hall closet. The only reason to even get it out is to set it up, and climb in the trap-door over the hall, but that closet is right next to mom, and dad’s. Only out in the hall.

“Well, it’s one of those Amateur movies, it doesn’t even have any titles on it. Just “What He Wants” on the sticker, in magic marker.”

“Oh, so amateur porn stars?” I’d seen amateur magazines, but they’re mostly little ads, for people to send each other tapes. Oh yeah, dad has one, so he must have called one of those numbers.

“It’s just this other married couple, and their toys, but he doesn’t use the butt-plug on her. She uses it on him.”

“Ew!” I shook my head.

“Yeah, and she gives him a Beej so it pops in and out when he blows his load.”

“Uh!” I shook my head, speachless, but I didn’t tell him to stop.

“It feels amazing!”

“Okay, stop. Just stop. Wait, how do you know how it feels?”

“Well, not the blow job part.” He just did the spanking it motion, to tall me that he spanks it, with the buttplug in his butt.

“KENNETH!?” My dad called from the driveway, then started the car to warm it up. Scraping ice off the windshield, loud enough to hear it in the back yard.

“I got to go, bye.” He ran off, out around the corner, and through the snow to the side gate. “Coming! Uh!” He tried to kick it or something. “Can you kick the snow out of the way?”

“Just go through the house.”

“Where you going?” I caught him before he ran back to the porch.

“Shopping,” he stomped his boots, “I still haven’t gotten you, or mom anything, but don’t do anything stupid before I get back.”

He looked over at the igloo. “What? I won’t, I promise.” But with most of the snow off his boots, he ran through the kitchen, and out the front door.

“Whew!” That managed to get the image of him. You know, out of my head. So, I turned back to the trail out to the igloo, and realized there was no way i could sneak Zach through the house. Even with Kenny, and dad out shopping, mom was still right there in the living room. So, I grabbed a kitchen towel to mop up the snow before it melted, then went back out to shovel around the side.

Then, I had to throw it over the gate, to shovel out in front of it so it would open, and go through the house again to get that. Then, I went across the street, breathing hard into my mittens, and feeling my heart beat faster in my chest. Getting excited, and still a little scared, but more excited until I couldn’t wait to knock on the door, exited. Ly?

Sorry, that’s so repetitive, but as soon as his dad answered, I asked him if Zach could come over and help my brother again.”

“What with?” He turned, “ZACHARY!?”

“Oh, I don’t know, my brother just said to come get him. I think it’s some kind of surprise, for Christmas. He doesn’t have any money to spend on gifts, so he usually makes something instead.”

“Yeah dad.” He stopped at the top of the stairs. “What’s she doing here?”

“Oh, can you come over and help out again, like yesterday?” I looked over at the big round window over the front porch. “In the attic?” I explained to his dad. “That’s the only place they can do secret stuff.” I winked at Zach, “Without me seeing it.”

He pulled on his boots, “Okay, lets go.” And grabbed my arm.

“You better grab a jacket, it’s cold up there.” I pulled my arm back, and bravely went right in his front door. Right in front of his dad, I felt so naughty, I almost giggled, but I grabbed “This one.”

The long one. The double breasted trench coat. A black one, you know the kinds of boys that used to wear coats like that, in the early 90s? Okay, he’s not Goth, or Punk Rock, a fedora wasn’t added to the uniform until later, and he was still to young to even start growing a neckbeard. “Well, actually,” ringing any bells? #NotAllMen, but I thought that I was clever. Getting away with something, I wasn’t even old enough to be aware of, but I wasn’t.

I was still too ignorant to even realize what kind of boy I was going to do it with, but the kind of guy that owns a black trenchcoat, and likes to look in other people’s windows. Even if there’s a little girl in there, and it doesn’t really matter how mature she might like to think she is.

It was a big mistake, that I had no idea I was making. Let alone how badly it could backfire…

;

I can go on, but I’m going to have to change the Story Codes.

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