One of the Guys

g2m Transgender, High School, Football, Locker Room, Tea Room…

“Wayne,” the office lady called me. “She’ll see you now.”

I took a deep breath, and knocked, but I never talked to this Councilor before. “Come in,” I closed the door, “Have a seat.”

She just looked over her glasses, and flipped through some pages before she closed the folder, and pushed them up. “What did you want to see me about?”

“Well, I made some friends.”

“That’s good.”

“On the football team. I had to skip PE the first 2 years, because of my condition.”

“We didn’t have a proper place for you, but the other players haven’t said anything, or done anything to make you feel uncomfortable?”

“Oh, no. Not at all, the new coach is real strict about that kind of language after what happened last year.” The old coach was, in a word: Homophobic, and sexist. So, he got fired for calling the boys “Ladies,” or “Girls,” and they even updated the standards for Sexual Harassment in the student handbook to include such things. So, I felt comfortable trying out, and I even made it as a running back.

“Well, our first practice was yesterday, and my regular therapist. He’s helping me work on my body issues.”

“I’m not a therapist, so let’s just get that out of the way.”

“It’s okay, I just need someone to talk to, that’s old enough to understand.”

“I can’t imagine what you’re going through, on top of the normal adolescent changes, and the general environment of high school. So, while I can try to empathize.” She shook her head, “I can’t Sympathize with your situation.”

“Well, it’s no big deal. I used to be a girl, then I started puberty, and I talked to my doctor, so he talked to my parents about my problems, and I started working through them.”

She looked down, and took off her glasses to flip through my folder again. “You’re taking hormones, and forgive me if I don’t use the proper terms.”

“Just the regular male pronouns: He, Him, His, and young man is fine.”

“What about Pre-Op?”

“Oh, no. I haven’t had any surgery, and I don’t know if I like the idea of.” I’ve seen pictures, and for once the After pictures were even worse than the before. “I hated going to the Gynecologist bad enough.”

“You wouldn’t feel more comfortable with one of the male councilors.”

“No, if you’re not uncomfortable dealing with me?”

“No, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that.”

“Well, I know you’ve got a lot of questions, believe me.” I pulled you a note, and unfolded it, “I even wrote a FAQ, so if there’s any questions I haven’t covered there, can they wait?”

She took it, and looked them over, but she nodded, and said “Mhm?”

“I’m sorry I snapped at you, and I don’t mean to sound condescending, but you were a girl, growing up.”

“Yes,” she looked up, “Of course.”

“Huh, well the first 12 years of my life, I always knew I was a little different. I wasn’t a Tomboy.”

She nodded, “Says it right here.” She just kept reading.

“My friends always wanted to talk about stupid girl things. They played with dolls, and stuffed animals, you remember Bratz?”

“I’ve seen commercials, but when I was that age, it was Polly Pocket.”

“Yeah, well I’m a guy, so. I didn’t want to talk about my feelings, or even think about them, so while I was interested in sports, and trucks, I knew that it would be a little weird to talk about them, so I just kept things bottled up. Now, I’m on Jr. Varsity, and I’ve got a pickup truck, but you don’t want to talk about that stuff.”

“I’m willing to listen.” She put the paper down, and put her glasses back on, to look at my face. I guessed that she was nearsighted. So, she needed glasses to do that girl thing, where they look at your face, and try to guess what you’re feeling. While I have to stop doing that boy thing, where I try to hide it.

“Huh, well I had this, dream. When I was young, about boys, of course. The girls started talking about boys too, about 6th grade when they started looking forward to middle school. So then, I talked to my doctor about my Feelings, and I started over, with a new school. As a boy in 7th grade.”

“Tell me about this dream.”

“No, it’s private, but I can tell you that it’s a sex dream, and it’s gay.”

“All right,” she sat back, “That’s fairly normal.”

“So then, when I got to the locker room, I had to put on a cup. It’s part of the uniform, and I decided not to hide anything, because my regular therapist said that it might help me get over my body image.”

“What would?”

“I just pulled out my co. Uh, penis, and set it up on the shelf, to pull down my cup, and put it on.”

“Now, when you say penis, you have a.”

“Orthotic, it’s molded in the shape of a penis and scrotum, but they’re stuck together. So I can get used to the shape, and wear pants, without them just hanging lose over nothing.”

“Mhm?”

“So, the boys noticed, and came over to talk about it, but the coach was right there, and kept an eye on me, to make sure it didn’t get out of hand. They were nice enough about it, and asked most of the usual questions.”

She held up the sheet, and I nodded. “Then, coach said that was enough, and we dressed out to go do laps around the track. Now, how much do you know about the football training?”

“Next to nothing. I’m not really a fan.”

“Me neither, honestly. I don’t care about the teams, the stars, or anything, it’s just fun to play. Especially the rush I get from running a touchdown, so I’m glad I get to play running back, and I’m pretty good at it. Oh, sorry. Uh. What I ment to say is the Junior Varsity team trains with the Seniors, because we only have the 1 field, and the one locker room, for boys.”

“Mhm?”

“Huh, this is confidential, and I already asked the guys, but they said it was okay to talk about, as long as I don’t use their names, but they’re gay.”

“Okay.”

“So, since it’s their senior year, they’re planning on waiting to come out, at least until football season is over, because they’re worried that it might ruin the team. Also, you know how guys are, about that sort of thing. Yeah, okay they have this new coach, and this zero tolerance policy about homophobia, but still. Most of them were junior varsity under the old coach, and they have a lot of unlearning to do before they can go ahead, and accept that they’ve been showering with 2 gay guys, and changing around them. So, I guess it’s kinda like a boy in the girl’s room?”

“And you feel like the girl in the boy’s room.” She guessed.

“Kinda, yeah. And I don’t like it, because I hated being a girl, and even when I was the boy in the girl’s room, we’re like 12. So, there wasn’t anything sexual about it, I just laughed, and played along with those stupid dolls, and god they’re ugly.”

“Bratz?”

“Yeah, like they’re supposed to be pretty, and all the girls acted like they were, but nobody ever talked about the fact that they were really hideous, and kinda scary.”

“Yeah, I never understood the fascination with them either, and they look like troll dolls.”

“Right? Thank you!”

“Honestly, I didn’t find that as disturbing as the fallout from Twilight, and then 50 Shades of Grey.”

“Oh, I know, and what do school girls even know about Bondage, whipping, spanking, and caning?”

“Huh.”

“What?”

“I have to ask, only because you went into such detail.”

“Well, I know what Caning is, but only because I looked it up, after I saw the movie.”

“You haven’t read the books?”

“No! They probably weren’t any better written then the movie, but I tried telling them that if you buy a girl a car on the first date, she’s not going to just fall into your arms. She’s going to run away and probably call the cops, because that’s a massive red flag, and any girl is going to know that.”

“The boys.”

“Yeah, freshman guys especially. That was back when I was a freshman.”

“Well, honestly, I’m glad to hear you say that, because most of the problems I had on my end were girls getting sucked in by boys claiming to be Dominants.”

“Like Christian Grey.”

“Exactly like Christian Grey, because a lot of them read that as a how too book on how to get their girlfriends into S&M.”

“Well, you don’t have to worry about that, with me. I’m not interested in S&M, or having girlfriends.”

“So, you identify as homosexual.”

“Yeah, and there’s these guys on the team.” We kinda got off topic for a while there. “They’re gay, and seniors, and football players, so they’re exactly my type, and there’s a part of my dream. Huh, that they washed each other’s backs. In the shower together, and I didn’t know how to feel about that.”

“So, that’s what’s prompted you to speak to me.” She put her glasses back on, and sat up straight. Cleared her throat, so I braced myself because she just put her official school faculty hat on.

Also, I kinda regressed, to my inner child, there. I realized that she got me girl-talking. Like I used to do with the girls, in the girl’s room, just because she shared my opinion on those offal Bratz dolls, Twilight, and that stupid Twilight fanfic. Which just complicated all that other stuff, like going through puberty as a boy, when I went through childhood as a girl.

“Huh,” she sighed, “While there is some confidentiality, here. I have to tell you that any Illegal activity, I hear about on campus must be reported.”

“You mean like Sexual activity.” She nodded, “Well, you don’t have to worry about that, because they just washed each other’s backs, and didn’t even get bone. Erections.”

“It’s okay, you don’t have to censor your language in here. Believe me I’ve heard much worse.”

“Huh, well that’s how it starts, isn’t it?”

“In your dream.”

“My dream, or Oz, or all the dirty movies it was based on, yeah.” I’m technically too young to be watching, but as long as I don’t say anything about looking at porn underage on school property?

“Now when you say Oz, you mean the television show.”

“Yeah, the prison show, with gay sex in the showers. I’m not exactly into Orange is the new Black, or Game of Thrones.” Of course, Jason Mamoa. Mmh, yeah. But not with that skinny fake blonde, no.

“Well, it’s not the gay sex I’m concerned about so much as the sexual assaults, and rapes.”

“Huh, well. I guess that’s not just a straight thing either, but. I don’t want to talk about my feelings. You understand, but I kinda have to.”

“Take your time.” She hit a key on her keyboard.

“Do you have work to do?”

“No, just checking the time.” She got out a slip of paper.

“Then what are you writing?”

“An excuse for your next teacher. Lunch is over, so if you’re going to be late.” She handed me the slip.

“No, that’s okay, we can talk about this later.” I got up, and stuck the slip in my pocket, anyway. So, I could stop by the boy’s room on my way back to class, and have an excuse for being late. So, I could take my time, and figure this stuff out.

“Huh!” It smells like smoke. Of course, there’s butts in the urinal, and even though I don’t have to piss, I unzipped at the urinal anyway, and put my arm up, on the wall. “You looking at my dick?”

Of course not, there’s nobody else there, but this is how it always starts. “It’s okay to look , man. You like what you see?”

Too bad they’ve got cinder blocks, instead of decent stalls, with a gap under it so they can get down, and reach under it to touch each other, and feel the blood pump into their hot young horny man meat.

“Huh, huhuhuh! Yeah, you like it, huh?”

Of course, I can’t get a boner, it’s just a blob of silicone molded in the shape of a cock, and balls, and it doesn’t even have any hair on it, but I do. The tips of the curls catching on the elastic lining of the jock strap.

The jocks turning around, and not even asking if they’ll wash their backs. “Huh huh huh!” Just lathering the soap, and scrubbing some suds up on the thick beard of pubic curls. Not even getting hard, because they do this all the time.

The other guys didn’t even think it’s weird, which I thought was weird, because I was expecting someone to say something. “Look at those faggots,” The suds running down his back, and his buttcrack. Dipping off the tip of the hanging dick. As if he just finished, and pulled out to rip the condom off, and pump it. “Huh, yeah, uh huh!” Spurting hot jets up all over his back.

“Huh, uh! Huh, huhHhuhHhHhH!” I held onto the pipe, and my elbow hit the handle before I almost fell with my knees knocking, trying to catch my breath, but the urinal flushed, filling the tile walls with echos, and the cigarette butts swirled around the blue cake so I smelled the chlorine, and wintergreen scent.

“Snh! Huh!” I just zipped up my pants, and thought about smoking. “Stupid.” I’m an athlete, and I have to be able to run, without stopping out of breath, but after a good one like that, I guess I’m tempted, but then I headed off to class.

I have to keep my grades up, if I’m going to stay on the team.

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