How to be a Good Mommy

This is a totally true story. It took a long time to write lol so if you enjoyed it email me at [email protected] and leave a comment Love yall

Who hasn’t passed out waiting in line to pick their kid up? I know I can’t be the one out there. I even got a good excuse: This guy gave me an 8ball to hang out with him. That shit was super fire too. I had been up like 4 days then I ran outta shit. I waited on my plug all night. He never fucking showed so I was tired as a mother fucker. So I nodded out.

Anyway my foot slipped off the brake… my bumper barely touched the car ahead of me. I mean it was like a damned love tap. Next thing I know this bitch in front of me is screaming at me through my window… ugh….. then here come the cops… long story short: I had a bullshit warrant for misdemeanor shoplifting. They put me in cuffs & start searching my car. About a second later this fat ass of a cop holds up a full rig & says:

“Look what I got here. Mam, is this yours?”

I was like:
“Hell no! If it was mine I’d done it already & wouldn’t have hit that stupid cunt’s fucking car!”

So I get locked up for a fucking schedule II felony drug possession & possession of drug paraphernalia within 1000 feet of a school. They tried to give me RSAT but my lawyer knew the judge. I guess the judge owed him a favor, I sure as fuck had to do a couple for him myself. Anyway I wound up with 5 years probation & gotta be drug tested 2 times a month once for my P.O. & one for DFCS plus take some bullshit course called Matrix.

I’ve been doing drugs since I was 10 & been on probation off & on since I was 14. Needless to say that I’ve figured out how to pass the tests. I take some clean urine from one of the kids (when I can’t get that I’ve even used Mountain Dew mixed with Sweet Tea) put it in a little bottle with a latex glove over the top, secure it with a rubberband. Put a couple more rubberbands around the body of the bottle for grip. Next I lay on my back, put my feet in the air then fingers in my pussy. Well; not always fingers. Sometimes I use a hairbrush, the tv remote, anything I can find really. I get my pussy really wet… you know like super juicy? Then I slide in the bottle. When it comes time for the test I kinda reach down acting like I’m adjusting myself & then with a little slight of hand… I prick the glove with my ring (it’s badass. It’s an engagement ring I stole from some bitch’s mom’s jewelry box). It always works. I pass every time. Just not this one.

I took a few Xanax before I got there, I didn’t think they’d kick in until way after I was done. But the nurse who was doing the test took for fucking ever. I was expecting to be in & out in like 10 minutes, then the xanies would kick in. Then, I’d do me a big ole shot & get “turnt Up!”
But things didnt go as id hoped. I was not expecting to be waiting an hour & a half, then they kick in & I start feeling all fucking loopy.

Finally the bitch calls me back there. I can barely walk at this point. I almost busted my ass getting out of the chair. Shit, I walked into the door frame going to her little office. She asked me to verify my name & date of birth. It took me a minute.

“Um, Tanna, I mean Tanza. Un, Tanya. That’s it. Tanya Ann Verdi. That’s my name. And I was born on… gimmie a min. I know this… November… ugh.. 20th, 1986. I mean ’83 Yeah ’83.”

I could hear myself slurring like a drunk but when you are on Xanax you don’t realize it & even if you do: you don’t give a fuck. She fucking breathalyzied me. I don’t blame her. I passed it. 1 outta 2 ain’t bad, right?

She started leading me to the bathroom but since I was fucked up and already knew the way I went right on around her and into that ugly ass blue bathroom. Ugh. I hate that color. Anyway I undid my jeans and slid them down kinda flirty. I was by this time just trying to piss her off. She said for me to lift my shirt over my navel and turn around. So I pulled my shirt almost totally over my head so my titties were exposed. Then she said to bend over… “like what you see?” She snarled and told me to squat and cough. That was a new one on me I squared and kinda faked a lil cough. I was so fucking scared. OMG! After that I sat on the toilet and apparently I dozed off and when I did I relaxed and the bottle fell out of my pussy hole, straight into the toilet.

The plop sound sorta snapped me back. I reached in the cold water. Grabbed the bottle & shoved it back in my twat as fast as i could.

She yelled ‘What the fuck?” And snatched me up by my arm.
She made me bend over the sink and tried to spread my bottom open. I clinched as hard as I could.
She yelled for Mr. Macelhaney.
Who ran straight in. ” She’s trying to cheat the test”!
“help me! Before she gets rid of the evidence! Hold her ass.”
Mr. M didn’t hesitate he reach out and grabbed my ass hard and squeezed.
As he held my butt cheeks i could feel his finger inching towards my asshole. Then I felt Nurse Erin in one motion slide pretty much her entire hand in my pussy. I couldn’t help but moan as she slid her fingers deep inside me. At the same time i felt the very tip of one of his go in my butthole. she pulled out the bottle of clean pee. When she did i couldn’t help it., I peed all over her & me. She spun me around yelling. Calling me a disgusting skank & some other names I’m pretty used to. I could see my pee got on her scrub top, all over her pants & shoes even some drops on her glasses. It was all down my legs, my new boy short panties were beyond soaked there was a puddle on them. My favorite blue jean shorts were just as wet & my michael kors sandals were squishy. I was scared and so fucking turned on all at once! She and Mr. M were yelling about what to do so I just plopped back on the toilet and started taking my wet clothes off like I was at home.
They talked back and forth she started describing seeing my pussy and what the bottle… i got so hot i just leaned back and started finger fucking myself. Left hand under my blouse my fingers twisting my nipple as hard as possible right hand… i was in, all 4 knuckles deep!
‘Ms. Verdi!”
I had totally forgot where i was…. “mmmmmmm” i moaned.

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