Was it my fault?

This happened 10 years ago and has bothered me ever since.
I have always blamed myself for what dad did.
Mom and dad divorced.when dad remarried I hated his be wife mainly because she wasn’t mom.
As I got older I was jealous of her. Mind you never planes ir thought of my dad doing what we did once one morning. I had two half brothers now. I was oldest and stying with dad for weekend.
I was 12 my little brothers was 10 and 8. My step mom had to work Saturday so she left at 6 am it woke me.
I got up and went to dads bed like I did often when I was younger. I hadn’t for years but I blame it on being half asleep.
Dad was sound asleep the room was dark I crawl under covers. I had my nite shirt in and panties.
Dad rolled over and snug with me sleeping and I don’t think he woke and knew it was me.
He felt warm and good against my back breathing into the back of my hair softly sleeping.
Then I felt it. Dad was naked and his Dick was against my butt.
I went to gently pull away and was going to sneak out and his arm held me. His hand slipped down my side and tugged my panties down . He started humping his Dick between my legs. I think he thought I was his wife.
He started poking my entrance and it started to slip in I let out a yelp and pulled away waking him.
He said what are you doing?
I said I came in when Debbie left.
Why? Then coming to the realization my panties was down and his cock was hard. Missy we can’t do this?
I know I replied that’s why I jerked away.
He whispered keep it down you will wake the boys.
I went to get up and stood pulling my panties up. He said wait. He sits up getting on edge of bed his cock still hard embarrassing me I look away. Did I hurt you?
No dad I am fine. Let me see. He lifts my shirt running his hand over my belly.
Then tugs my panties down. I grab them to stop him.
He laughed come on I seen it a million times when you were little.
I let go my panties drop to my ankles. He runs his hand over my lips turning me around and rubbing my butt.
You shouldn’t be in here. You have grown up a lot.
Missy you look so much like your mom.
He pulls me to him hugging me. Leaning back pulling me on top of him. We need to be quiet the boys are asleep next room.
I can go I said. Missy you are so pretty. We can’t tell anyone about this.
Okay I said I didn’t mean to I didn’t know you were naked.
He runs his fingers threw my hair. Then runs his hands down my back.
At this point I am embarrassed beyond anything. It’s still dark but sun was coming up shining through window and I could see his outline. Still wanted to get up and flee this embarrassment. But he held me his hand running down and with both hands he squeezed my butt. You ass feels like your moms did small tight and firm. Still holds it I couldn’t hold my hips up much longer and he spread his legs some and I feel his Dick against my legs again.
Okay dad I’ll go back to my room. He gets quiet still hold my butt with both hands my arms under me with my hands frozen on his chest like I was when he pulled me on to him.
He said you can stay. We shouldn’t have got like this. He rolled me over beside him my panties falling on off my ankles.
He lay beside me running his hand up and down my belly under my nite shirt. He worked higher and felt my budding nipples. They were sore. And I said it hurts. Really it didn’t just was tinder and awkward having dad feel me like that.
I don’t know what I didn’t just get up and go and try to get away. Dad slid his hand down resting on his other elbow looking down at me he went right between my legs. He looks at me and says spread your legs some. Why I asked him.
He smiled trust me just do it.
I did and he started rubbing me. Running his middle finger up and down between my lips. It felt so embarrassing and awkward. He said does that feel good?
It really felt like nothing I was nervous and embarrassed but is said yes because I knew that’s what he wanted to hear I think.
He slides down and before I knew it was between my legs his mouth closing on me his hands behind each one of my knees.
He started sucking and licking me. I put
My hands on his head trying to push his head away not saying anything he held tight. He kept assaulting my pussy with his tongue.
He did it his for what seemed forever I still was holding his head . Then all of a sudden it felt tingly and my body reacted and what I realized now was my first orgasm.
My hips and legs took over. Dad stoped licked each side of my puss and came up looking me in the eyes. He was smiling from ear to ear. You Rick your hips like your mom also.
He gets up on his knees. Puts the tip of his cock against me I was wet from his mouth or my orgasm but he holds my legs up and tells me to look down watch it go in. I look and actually see my dads cock for first time. It looked huge and hairy and I tense up. He says relax. He pushed forwards and I watch him slowly go in. He hits my hymen.
And I suck in air as he pushed through feeling it give or tare
But really didn’t hurt. I was in shock I think why I didn’t stop or ask him not to or so no I will never understand.
He went all the way in and asked me if I was okay. I just lay my head back and nod yes. Why I don’t know because my mind was screaming out no.
And he slowly started fucking me gently laying his weight on me kissing my forehead. I felt him get bigger and he got my aggressive and breathing harder. He said oh Missy thank you for this slamming into me harder. I was numb he put his hands behind my knees again pinning my legs back and slamming me hard moan out as I lay on my back looking up at him he pulled out all of a sudden and came all over my shirt. And belly some shooting Uk to my neck.
He rolled off me. Breathing hard catching his breath he asked if I like it.
I said yes in a choked up voice.
He sat up you okay.
I started crying realizing it was over and not because it hurt but it was traumatic to me I think. He held me asking me what I was crying if it didn’t hurt.
Looking back my dad was a dumb ass.
But I was full of confusion and emotions. All I said was idk and let him hold me and it did comfort me.
About 15 minutes we got up dad stood in front of me pulling his shirt over his head. I tried not to but I just stared at his Dick hanging down wet with a sneeze of blood on it.
Vein running the length of it he saw me staring and said I don’t think we should say anything to anyone.
I nod my head as he picks up a towel and wipes himself off.
I pull my panties on and leave .
I was sore now I could feel a throbbing between my legs like I was swollen. Which I was.
I didn’t bleed much.
I blamed my self because I was too old to be getting into bed with dad not realizing her was naked.

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