Playing With Dicks – How boyhood experiments turn into teenage degeneracy – Chapter 04

Chapter 4 – How Not To Keep a Secret – What’s the best part about keeping such juicy secrets? The thrill of telling the right friends about it!

WARNING: For patient readers only!

PLAYING WITH DICKS is a very long novel, for context please go back and start reading at chapter 1, you will be lost if you try and pick up the story from here. Or if you’d like to skip ahead, go to the recap at the beginning of the next section and start there, this book will be divided into standalone parts with summaries in between, clearly marked in the titles.

Playing With Dicks

How boyhood experiments turn into teenage degeneracy

Chapter 4 – How Not To Keep a Secret

Later that day we ended up sneaking back into the ravine to do it all over again. We just had to try it again to make sure it really was so much fun and not just some weird fluke caused by the strange adventurous mood we were in. It hadn’t taken long to get back to feeling horny, so by the afternoon we were back in our hiding spot sucking each others dicks again. We cut right to the chase and took turns on each other, not doing any 69 or any fancy this time and enjoying some nice long and intense one on one blowjobs. We kept giving each other pointers and with a bunch more practice we were getting really good at it, pretty much mastering our dick sucking skills by the end of the day. After another round of trading blowjobs, getting even better at it and giving each other orgasms again, we knew that this was going to become our fun secret little hobby and it wasn’t just some weird mood we were in that weekend. We couldn’t wait until the next weekend so we could spice up our next sleepover with some late night blowjobs, and other than that we could always sneak off into the ravine again whenever else the temptation hit us.

Being horny and mischievous boys, that temptation hit us all the time and we were like kids who couldn’t put down a new toy. After the first time sucking each other’s dicks that weekend, almost every day after school we’d meet up and go hide somewhere and spend a good little while trading blowjobs until we had more amazing orgasms in each other’s mouths. It was so much more fun than just playing outside like normal kids with everyone else or doing whatever else we liked to do those days, and it was obviously a much more exciting way of getting off than boring old masturbation.

Secretly being faggots together turned out to be such a thrill that I was seriously wondering if we might still escalate things from there and maybe try something even crazier than sucking dick, but initially blowjobs were fun and wild enough on their own that there was no need to take things any further. I figured if we’d gone this far then why not go all the way and try all the other dirty shit we’d heard about – we all knew there was still more to gay sex than blowjobs, but I didn’t want to push my luck. Maybe the next step would be a little too gay, because sucking dick was just barely borderline enough that we could still convince ourselves we’re still not technically faggots, despite how much we enjoyed it. But if we even so much as suggested trying to fuck each other we’d have to come to terms with obviously being something other than completely straight.

And anyway, if there was going to be some more risky and taboo experimentation it was probably best saved for one of our sleepovers. I’d just have to wait until the weekend to find out if there was any more appetite to try something even dirtier. I was starting to wonder if I might actually be at least partly gay, because I couldn’t help but fantasize about trying some anal sex, or some other creative things we hadn’t even thought of. Once we’d realized how much fun a little bit of sexual experimentation can be, I wanted to try it all, I wanted to try all the dirty stuff and not just blowjobs.

Trying anal obviously carried a greater risk of turning out gross for obvious reasons, but since sucking dick had turned out to be unexpectedly so much fun I couldn’t help but wonder how much more fun fucking each other up the ass might be. It kind of made sense in a way, if we had fuckable orifices then why not try using all of them? Just like with blowjobs, sure it may have sounded like a disgusting thing only true faggot would do, but why would anyone ever do it and why should it be such a big deal if it isn’t actually secretly a ton of fun? Even though it was totally perverted, why would anal sex be such a meme if there weren’t people out there who actually liked doing it? I knew that even straight dudes can be obsessed with finding a girl who likes taking it in the ass, so anal must feel amazing, probably as good as pussy, even getting fucked might feel good for all I knew. And being even more taboo than blowjobs meant it’d probably be even more fun than sucking dick. With absolutely no experience, I just kind of assumed it would feel really good, and I wished I had the guts to try and find out for myself.

But no matter how fun it might be and how tempting it seemed, anal wasn’t as simple and would obviously require a lot more more skills and preparation on the receiving end than sucking dick. This was advanced level faggotry that none of us knew much about yet and weren’t really ready for, and didn’t even dare talk about. If really we wanted to, we could probably just learn as we go, but it clearly wouldn’t be as easy as learning to suck dick was. Even if we did end up wanting to try, I didn’t think it would be a good idea to just blindly dive into it like we did with the blowjobs. We couldn’t just go trial and error when the consequences for failure might be irredeemably disgusting, and none of us knew anything about how anal sex enthusiasts deal with those obvious issues. Even though we were all very good about hygiene and cleanliness, playing with our ass holes would require some preparation and good timing to avoid the most obvious risk. Not only that, but taking a dick in your ass might require some skills we didn’t even know existed yet, it might even hurt if you do it wrong. But my attitude was that it’s still probably worth all the risks even if it’s only half as fun as I think it will be, and even if it has a way worse risk of turning out gross than simple blowjobs did.

These were the types of things I was pondering barely a day after we started playing with dicks, and I started thinking about how and when to broach the topic with Matt and Jay. I really hoped that the two of them would stay open minded enough and would want to give it a try, because I couldn’t stop thinking about it after having so much fun sucking dick. I desperately wanted to know how it feels from either end and I wanted our experiments to get crazy enough to try, but I was nervous enough about it that I was too scared to bring it up. Part of me was hoping either Matt of Jay might beat me to it and suggest it first, but in those initial early days sucking dick was fun and risky enough on its own and the suggestion to try anal didn’t come up at those early blowjob sessions. We just had fun getting better and better at sucking dick with more practice, and those blowjobs and orgasms in each other’s mouth were absolutely amazing. But I couldn’t stop thinking about how fun it might be to take our little gay experiment all the way.

After a week of incredible blowjobs in the woods every day after school or in the evening after dinner, we finally had our next sleepover the next weekend. It was Matt’s turn to host, so we met up at his place after dinner on Friday night. We had all the normal fun in the evening, playing video games and watching movies, only this time we were actually looking forward to bedtime for a change. We were so excited to fool around again that we might have even gone to bed early if only that wouldn’t look somewhat suspicious, so we stayed up as late as we usually did and only turned in when Matt’s parents went to bed. We were so paranoid about getting caught that we didn’t want to drop even the slightest clue about our big new secret.

But eventually it was bedtime, and we said goodnight to Matt’s parents. As soon as we were safe and alone in his bedroom, we immediately started having some naughty fun. We started by jacking off quietly as we laid there and listened for Matt’s parents to go to bed, and as soon as it was safe we stepped things up and started trading blowjobs again. Our new favourite thing was our little 3 way suck circle, so we spent some time sprawled out on the floor sucking each other’s dicks, all 3 giving and getting at the same time. It was so much fun that we didn’t want to cum too soon and we kept edging ourselves, always stopping to take a quick break before it was too late. Sucking dicks really had turned out to be way more fun than we ever imagined it could be, and now we had all night to take our time, savor and enjoy it in the privacy of Matt’s bedroom. Now that we had no worries about getting caught we could really have some fun with it.

As much as I wanted to suggest we get even crazier and try taking the next step, I didn’t have the guts to say anything right away. We were all thrilled enough about sucking dick that we didn’t need to get any crazier – this was plenty mischievous enough, and there was still plenty of time to step things up and have some more fun if we really wanted to. We had no preconceived notions about how all this was supposed to go and no idea how dirty minded we truly were, so pushing the limit felt like a risky thing to do. But after spending a good amount of time getting comfortable sucking each other’s dicks, it slowly started to seem like maybe there was some appetite to escalate things a bit. We’d traded enough blowjobs by then that sucking dick was almost starting to get boring, especially knowing there were even more dirty and mischievous ways to play with our dicks.

Jist like our first foray into our spot in the woods with dirty intent, we were in another quiet standoff, none of us had the guts to say the obvious. We all knew there were still plenty of other things to try and we all knew that we all wanted to try at least something a little more hardcore, but this time none of us had the nerve to come out and suggest it. Nobody wanted to say we should try fucking each other even though that’s exactly what we were all thinking, so we all ended up wracking our brains thinking of some other new way to play with our dicks – something new and exciting that feels good but doesn’t involve anal. There had to be something else we could try between blowjobs and fucking.

As we silently had our independent little brainstorms trying to come up with some kind of easier escalation, it quickly led to daring each other to strip completely naked. So in the dark of Matt’s bedroom we took our pajamas off and enjoyed the added risk and thrill of fooling around totally in the nude for the first time. We even took the risk of turning on the light so we could see each other better and enjoy the show, and as we giggled and checked each other out, we couldn’t even admit to ourselves how exciting it was to look at each other’s young little naked bodies. We’d seen nudity before in National Geographic or in change rooms, but seeing youthful and fit naked bodies our age was exceedingly rare and exciting compared to what nudity was easy to see back then. Perfect youthful smooth skin, faint summer tan lines starting to show up, tight plump little pale ass cheeks, hard adolescent dicks of various size and not a trace of pubic hair to be seen. Such a refreshing change from seeing only either little toddler dicks or hairy old man cocks in change rooms. I had a hard time admitting it to myself because I still didn’t want to be gay, but both my best friend were undeniably cute and had such perfect sexy bodies.

We still didn’t think we were attracted to guys in that way, but checking out each other’s naked bodies definitely added more to the thrill and excitement than it should have. We should have been used to being naked around other guys at that age, but me and Matt were usually incredibly shy in change rooms, or even changing around each other. Even in that totally normal context where seeing other guys dicks was socially acceptable and expected, nudity was just too exciting for us and we were always worried about springing an inappropriate boner or looking silly in front of other boys. Unlike most guys our age, Jay was actually a lot more confident and easygoing about nudity and he didn’t mind changing in front of us or right out in the open in change rooms, he’d even shower naked around other guys, being uncharacteristically way less shy than most boys. But that had all been pretty innocent up until this point, now being naked was a suddenly thrill. And seeing their hard dicks was only part of the fun – because I had been typically super shy about anyone looking at my dick, it was actually showing off and them staring at me that was the real thrill of it. And being naked in a time and place we weren’t technically supposed to be – there was just some unexpected thrill about being completely nude that was way more exciting than it ever should have been.

It started to feel like we were on a search for some some new way to have fun playing with our dicks after all, and that quickly led to another suggestion that we hadn’t tried yet. While we were settling back into our beds now completely nude, Jay suggested that we try rubbing our dicks together in a face to face dry humping position – something so obvious and logical I’m amazed it took us a whole week to get around to trying it. The idea being that it was another hands-free way to get off, with the added fun of doing it with a humping motion like real sex, and I watched as Matt and Jay tried it first.

Jay crawled on top of Matt and they lined their dicks up, pressed their shafts together, and slowly started humping, sliding their dicks against each other. It looked like fun so I begged for a turn, and Jay came over to crawl on top of me next. I laid back as he straddled me and pushed his dick against mine, and he dropped all his weight on me and started grinding. It felt amazing, a lot like humping my hand, only this was so much better because we had so much naked skin pressed together. Even though he was a pretty small kid, he felt nice and heavy on top of me and it felt incredibly good. It was almost awkward how close to fucking it must be, and it was weird looking him right in the eyes face to face as I moved my hips an humped him back.

We traded off in a rotation until we all gave it a shot with everyone, and we quickly found out that smushing our dicks together and humping each other felt amazingly good. As we traded off and took turns grinding on each other, it was definitely weird to lay on top of each other and hump face to face like that, but all the bare naked skin-on-skin contact made it feel really nice. It even felt a little more gay than sucking dick because it was almost kind of intimate, and all the bodily contact and rhythmic pumping was way closer to real sex than anything else we’d tried. But there was no denying how good it felt, so we were quite pleased with ourselves for discovering a new way to get each other off. But unless we started really trying to close our eyes and pretend we’re humping girls, there was no denying it was starting to get a bit more gay.

Now we had a fun new activity to add into the rotation, and things were getting pretty wild. We tried different techniques dry humping and rubbing our dicks together, tried pressing our shafts together parallel and stroking both together, we even humped with our dicks sloppy wet with spit from fresh blowjobs to make everything slip and slide and feel even better. As if that wasn’t enough we started grabbing handfuls of ass to help press even harder against each other, touching more new private parts of our bodies which we hadn’t before and enjoying it. Now we were definitely on a search for new ways to spice things up, but still none of us had the guts to suggest we go all the way and try anal. The way things were going we seemed to be slowly working our way up to it, but not that night, not until we’d exhausted every other option first. We were having more than enough fun humping and I guess we didn’t want to ruin it by taking it too far with an experiment that might go horribly wrong – we just didn’t know enough yet and weren’t brave enough yet.

Eventually after what felt like an hour or more of humping each other and trading blowjobs every which way we could imagine, we couldn’t hold back anymore and started making each other cum. Having just discovered how good humping each other feels, that was the logical way to finish ourselves off. We’d practiced enough blowjobs all the way to completion, so of course we wanted to find out how this new thing feels going all the way to orgasm. The only problem being it was such mutual stimulation that unless we had perfectly timed simultaneous orgasms, our normal rules of reciprocity kind of went out the window. If one guy comes first then the other can’t just keep grinding on him, so for once we couldn’t think of a way to keep everything 100% fair.

Our solution was to warn each other when we were about to cum to try and synchronize orgasms, and we weren’t too shy to tell each other when to speed up or slow down to get it just right. It wasn’t like any kind of erotic dirty talk or anything, it was strictly for the practicality of making it feel good and get the timing right.

As we stretched things out and had all night to really take our time, we knew that having more than one orgasm each per session wasn’t off the table either. That was another huge benefit of being a trio instead of a pair, no matter who came first or when we had someone else to keep going with and everything would even out in the end. So it wasn’t a big deal if we didn’t have simultaneous orgasms and had to trade off, the night was still young and we’d figure something else out.

Jay had the first orgasm of the night when after crawling on top of me and humping for a solid several minutes. He kept warning me as he got closer and closer, and I tried to speed up to catch him and cum at the same time, but he beat me to it. He kept grinding his hips into mine harder and harder until he stopped breathing and stopped moving, other than his hard dick twitching against mine. He let out a huge sigh of relief and melted on top of me as his body relaxed, then he slowly slid off me and made room for me and Matt to keep going.

Matt had been stroking his dick as he watched me and Jay humping, so he was already close to orgasm when I told him to get on top of me. He climbed into position and lined his dick up with mine, pressed his body down on me and started thrusting. When his hard shaft started sliding and grinding against mine I was already about to cum, so I warned him but didn’t tell him to slow down. He was a little heavier and stronger than Jay and pushed me over the edge almost immediately, and I pretty much blanked out again as my dick started throbbing and my toes started to curl. My whole body tensed up and shivered as I came, and Matt finally slowed down just in time. He looked happy to have made me cum so fast, but now he was the last one hanging.

I would have offered to suck his dick or something to finish him off, but he wasn’t worried about any of that. He was so close to orgasm himself that he just got up onto his knees, started stroking his cock, and finished himself off while kneeling over my body. If he had been old enough to actually squirt cum he would have covered me in it, but he had a dry orgasm as he stared down at my sweaty naked body.

We were all glowing after that, and nowhere near tired enough to go to sleep. We rested for a while, but we wanted to see if we could really go for another round the same night. We were still kind of horny in that refractory period, and we kept the light on and remained naked as we laid around and chatted. We kept to the topic of sex to stay in the mood, and all our dicks just stayed rock hard as we recovered and chatted. It didn’t even take that long until we decided to get right back into it with some more blowjobs.

Now that we were desensitized things went slower and lasted longer. At first me and Jay started 69ing while Matt still needed a moment to recover, and we just kept going and going until he got horny again and begged to join in. I ducked out and let the two of them 69 for a while as I watched, and we kept switching up for another long session, trading blowjobs and edging each other. Eventually we ended up back in our favourite little 3 way suck circle position again, and one by one we sucked each other off to our second round of orgasms for the night. As good as the humping felt, blowjobs still won out as slightly better, and we were so skilled by then it felt amazing.

After another long round of sucking dick we were finally tired enough to go to sleep. Before passing out we all put our pajamas back on just in case we slept in and Matt’s mom came in to wake us up. And we had to go to sleep hoping we’d been quiet enough not to arouse any suspicions that night, we’d been fooling around with the light on til midnight. But so far we were getting away with it scot free, almost too easy. If our clueless parents only knew, sleepovers just wouldn’t be allowed.

It was so much fun that our new secret hobby was quickly turning into an obsession, and when we woke up the next day we all had morning wood and were incredibly horny thinking about the night before. We heard Matt’s parents up and about in the kitchen, and we debated taking the risk of quickly sucking each other off before we even crawled out of bed. There was a much greater chance of getting busted in the mornings, but usually none of our parents bothered waking us up unless we had something to do that day. It was a gamble not being 100% sure if Matt’s parents would let us sleep in or not, but we were so horny that we decided to take a little risk anyway.

Blowjobs would have been a bit too risky, so we decided just to jack off by ourselves and be ready to cover up in case we got walked in on. The three of us masturbated furiously and watched each other, and we wasted no time rushing to quickly cum while we had a short moment of privacy. Thankfully Matt’s parents left us alone, and within a few minutes we all had quick and intense orgasms to start off our morning. It was quite a thrill to squeeze in some sneaky morning masutrbation, and once we were all done we waited for our erections to die down before we finally crawled out of bed and went to have breakfast. What a way to start the day!

Left with an entire Saturday to ourselves and another sleepover coming up that night, we couldn’t think of anything better to do than sneak back down to our favourite spot in the forest later that morning. We just couldn’t get enough and we were starting to use any free time we had to fool around as much as we could. We had another couple fun sessions hiding out in the ravine that day and yet another awesome night of fooling around at Matt’s place again at night, and after that our secret hobby was now well established as our new most favourite devious activity.

In the days and weeks following we kept on sneaking off to suck each other’s dicks at any and every opportunity we had, and it just kept getting even more awesome every single time we did it. School was finally over for the summer and we had more time to fool around than ever before. We’d turned into secret dick sucking maniacs and there was no going back. The thrill of doing something so taboo was undeniable, as were the awesome sensations that came along with it. We really were obsessed with it in no time at all, and the three of us spent an inordinate amount of time with our new little secret blowjob club.

We scoured the whole neighbourhood looking for other secret spots outside we could hide and fool around, and after the last day of school when summer break finally started, there was rarely a day we didn’t sneak away to play with dicks. Instead of going to the same spot in the forest every time we started hiding out in other spots close by that were just a little riskier. The whole area was full of little hidden corners and spots we could disappear into, and we started fooling around between bushes in the landscaping around the apartments or behind dumpster sheds. We found a perfect spot tucked in the corner of one of the big parking lots where tenants parked their RVs and boat trailers, there was a little dead end alleyway between one of the buildings and a retaining wall where no one ever went and nobody would see us, and we started fooling around there most often. It was the best spot for a quickie when we didn’t want to hike down the ravine or if we were short on time, the only problem was how close it was to the playgrounds where we hung out with all our other friends in the neighbourhood. But still being on the hunt for new ways to make things even more exciting, taking bigger risks like that and being a lot less sneaky was a ton of fun.

We thought we were really clever, thinking we were sneaky enough not to arouse any suspicion, but we started disappearing to go fool around often enough that some our more clever and attentive friends around the neighbourhood started to take note of our brief but conspicuous absences during the days. I guess it was pretty suspicious to silently sneak away from our other friends all playing together outside without saying where we’re going, only to return a little while later looking smugly satisfied, and some of our friends started noticing the pattern. It was no wonder when they started questioning what we were up to when we disappeared off on our own all that time.

We weren’t exactly socially clever enough to come up with some innocent sounding excuses of where we were going, and saying nothing was probably worse than lying because that’s what started arousing suspicion. Of course they had no idea what was actually going on, but we were sneaking away often enough and being so obviously coy about it that it became more and more obvious that we had some big secret to hide.

It soon got to the point where some of our friends would ask us where we’re going and what we’re doing sneaking off by ourselves all the time – and that’s when we made the even bigger mistake of telling them it’s all a big secret and that they’d never ever find out. We weren’t clever enough to deny it outright or make up some excuse, and instead of doing the smart thing and pretending nothing was going on, we accidentally hinted that we had something fun going on by telling them it’s all a big secret that they weren’t allowed to know. We should have known that was stupid, because it only had the effect of piqueing further curiosity and presenting it like some challenge for them to try and find out. We might as well have just dared them to try to follow and spy on us.

Suddenly a whole bunch of our friends and kids in the neighbourhood knew we were hiding some big secret among the three of us, only they had absolutely no clue what it could be and were dying to find out. And kids being kids, some of our friends starting bugging us, trying to get us to spill it and let them in on it. Like what could we possibly be hiding from them that’s so fun but we couldn’t tell anyone about? If we hadn’t let on that we even had a secret to hide in the first place then it wouldn’t have been an issue, but now they obviously didn’t want to be missing out on whatever secret mystery adventures we were having off on our own, and we had quite the dilemma on our hands. Hopefully they wouldn’t be suspicious enough to start making assumptions or throwing out wild accusations about us. Given how common of an insult boys calling each other faggot or cocksucker was back then, I’m surprised nobody made the connection and called us out, that would have been ironic but terrifying. Maybe that was too bold, maybe they already knew more than they let on.

It was a borderline disaster. Our secret was so big and bad that we never should have even hinted at its existence, but it was too late for that and we didn’t know what to do about it. Suddenly we had to get a lot more sneaky with our outdoor sessions now that everyone knew we were hiding something big from them. It got to the point that we worried someone might try to follow us into one of our hiding spots and spy on us to find out, so it kind of put a damper on all the fooling around outside for a while. It sucked that we had to be extra careful keeping our secret with so many friends now actively trying to find out what that secret was, but that still didn’t stop us. It’s not like they’d ever guess what was actually going on anyway, so as long as they didn’t actually catch us in the act we’d be fine. And we didn’t care if they had assumptions or suspicions about what we were up to, as long as rumours about us didn’t start circulating we didn’t care. As long as we never actually got caught in the act, we had a little thing called plausible deniability on our side. Even if someone did accuse us of something naughty and called us faggots, nobody actually took those kinds of childish insults literally, did they?

Normally it’d be quite fun to have a big secret to hold over our friend’s heads, it did feel strangely good to have something to lord over them. But this was so much worse than your typical childish secret that we really couldn’t risk anyone finding out or even theorizing too hard about what we were really up to. The fact that so many friends already knew that we were hiding something was bad enough on its own, and we sure felt pretty stupid for not being sneaky enough. Maybe keeping it to the sleepovers would have been a better idea. But it was way too late to put that cat back in the bag, and we had to deal with it somehow. They weren’t just going to forget about it either, and there seemed to be no way to stop some of our friends from constantly pestering us and trying to find out what our big secret was. They was some of them were bugging us made it feel almost like they already knew what was going on and wanted in on the fun, but were too nervous to admit it. There was only one way to satiate their curiosity, so after thinking about it for a while I eventually made a rather bold suggestion to Matt and Jay.

What if loosened our pact of secrecy just a tiny bit, and we carefully and selectively let a few friends in on our big secret? Maybe some of the boys we knew would be just as interested in some lightly gay fooling around as much as we were, and maybe we could make our secret suck circles even bigger and better by letting more friends join in. It seemed like a crazy concept at first, but now that I had floated the idea we started theorizing and discussing if it was even possible. It definitely sounded like it would be fun to expand our little secret sex club, but we didn’t know if it was some wild fantasy or something that was actually feasible. It was one of those things that seemed like a stupid idea but would actually be amazing if we could somehow make it happen.

I’d always thought of it as just a stupid unattainable fantasy, but as we started debating the idea it suddenly seemed like it might be more realistic than we thought. After all, isn’t the best part about having secrets sharing them with the right friends? And it almost felt like if our big secret was so much fun, then it wasn’t fair to keep hiding it from all our other buddies. Why keep all the fun and mischief to ourselves? What if they were just as curious about sex as us and had all the same dirty thoughts and desires we did? What if they were secretly equally horny all the time and open minded enough to want to fool around with guys too? Wouldn’t it feel less weird and gay, more like some mischievous fun if everyone was doing it? We were all at that age of maximum curiosity and mischievous thrill seeking – just old enough to get a kick out of something so taboo but not old enough to be awkward and homophobic about it yet – so the chances were good. Having weird gay desires couldn’t possibly be totally unique to just us three, we already knew some boys who were a lot more femmy and gay acting than us, maybe it was pretty common among guys our age like some kind of big secret that everyone thinks about but nobody actually talks about. Given what we’d learned from being so open with each other, we just assumed that everyone probably has at least a little bit of gay curiosity. Maybe we were all missing out on a huge opportunity if some of our other friends turned out to be perverts just like us, and the really big question was if any of them were trustworthy enough to even broach the topic with.

We were left wondering how in the hell we’d even introduce the idea to any other friends given the chance, and the more we thought about it the more we actually wanted to. Even as we started discussing who among the boys we knew might actually be trustworthy enough, we didn’t know how to go about admitting something so crazy to them. What if they were too homophobic and thought we were a bunch of fags? What if they flipped out and snitched on us? What if they started rumours and told everyone at school that we’re faggots? It was such a risky proposition that we’d have to figure out how to stack the deck in our favour if we were actually going to go through with it.

As the days and weeks went by and hiding our secret from all our other friends became a chore, we quickly got more and more tempted to try and recruit some of them into our secret club. We kept trying to think of a way to safely introduce such a crazy idea to our friends without them flipping out over it, and we figured we’d have to gently ease them into it. We’d gone so far and done so much together that we couldn’t just tell them everything right off the bat, that would be too much too fast. If the three of us were still stuck on circle jerks and nothing more, that might make introducing the idea to other friends a lot easier – but now that we’d gone as far as blowing each other, our big secret was so much worse and way more risky to share with anyone. Just like how our experiments had started, we could start out pretty tame and try to convince them just to jack off with us, and then escalate from there based on their reactions. We didn’t have to admit everything right away, maybe we could pretend it was just a masturbation thing, then only bring up blowjobs if the guys were receptive and wanted to try more.

It got to a point where we were convinced we had to try and talk some more friends into joining in, at least some of the cooler kids we knew, hoping they’d at least want to jerk off with us. We’d gotten into plenty of mischief with our other friends that we knew who we could trust or not. We had no idea how it would go, but the idea of having even bigger suck circles with more guys was so tempting that it totally seemed worth the risk of letting our secret get out.

In the end it might not even be the end of the world if the all the kids in the neighbourhood found out, as long as they didn’t snitch on us to any adults. We were more worried about our parents or authority figures finding out and getting into trouble that way than we were about burning our reputation among our friends and peers. It’d be a disaster if any of our parents found out we were sucking each other off at our sleepovers, but maybe if stories of our secret sex life were just rumours among our peers it might not be the end of the world, as long as we maintained plausible deniability. If our best friends wanted to judge us negatively for it then they shouldn’t be our friends, and in a perfect world we should have at least enough self-confidence not to care what all the other kids think about us. Where we lived was enough of a progressive liberal hippie enclave to be well ahead of the times as far as tolerance and inclusivity of homosexuality went, and for all three of us it was our much more traditional parents we had to worry about than the society around us. In our social circles and at school the coolest kids were always the ones who just did whatever the hell they wanted and didn’t give a singular fuck what anyone thinks of them, so who knows, maybe being the youngest guys to ever come out as gay or bisexual might counterintuitivly actually be the cool thing to do. Even if we still didn’t want to be gay and didn’t think we really were, in the right circumstances it might even be something to brag about.

We were so convinced that expanding our secret gay sex club was a great idea that it didn’t take long to have our first two potential recruits picked out. As we debated who among our friends might be adventurous and open minded enough to join in on our fun, the three of us agreed that our two good buddies Grant and Chris were definitely the best candidates. They were step-brothers who lived in a small house less than a block away from the apartment complex, and unlike most brothers they were the very best of friends despite (or because of) not actually being blood relatives. They were in my grade at school and closer in age than real brothers could be, Chris was almost exactly my age, just turned 12 in July a week after my birthday, and Grant was only 3 months older and had turned 12 in April.

The two of them were inseparable best friends the same way Matt, Jay and I were, and they were some of our favourite guys to hang out with. They were good enough friends of ours that they seemed more trustworthy than anyone else, and they’d also been bugging us trying to find out our big secret more than anyone else had. For weeks they kept trying to get us to spill it by promising they’d never tell anyone else if we just told them, swearing that they wouldn’t judge us for it no matter what the big secret was. The way they were pestering us about it almost made it seem like they had some vaguely accurate suspicions, like maybe they had a clue of what was actually going on, maybe they were even hinting at it. Among all our friends they definitely seemed the most curious and open minded, and since they put so much effort more into trying to find out our secret than anyone else, it started feeling like they actually deserve to know.

That’s why it was an easy call to decide we were going to try to tell them what we’d been up to. We knew them pretty damn well and we were pretty sure they were open minded enough to get a kick out of having some mischievous fun with us, and even if not they were at least trustworthy enough not to rat us out. It felt like a 50/50 gamble if they’d either be intrigued or disgusted by the idea, but the chances of getting them to join our secret fun seemed worth the risk of grossing them out. All we had to do was figure out how to actually tell them without making it weird. We took some time to mull it over, and all we needed was the right time and place. Eventually we came up with a plan to invite them to one of our hiding spots outside and hopefully at least end up jacking off together with them.

The scheme was that first we’d get them all excited about letting them in on our secret, make them swear to secrecy as a condition of finding out, and just tell them we’ve been sneaking off to masturbate together and fall back on our innocent sounding phrase “playing with dicks”. Then it was just a matter of leaving it open ended and seeing how far they were willing to take it from there. It would be fun just to jack off with them, but of course we really hoped they’d want to try even more, and the ultimate fantasy was getting them to join in on some blowjobs and come over for some sleepovers. Taking it that far still seemed like a long shot, but we were definitely going to try.

So one random day barely 2 weeks into summer break, we met up with Grant and Chris outside in the afternoon, and it was time to set our plan into motion. Like a lot of kids in the neighbourhood they always hung out in the playgrounds around the apartments even though they lived in a nice house down the street, and we managed to find them out there alone that day. They had been getting tired of bugging us about our secret and had almost left the topic alone by then, but their curiosity was instantly rekindled when we suddenly and very deliberately offered to finally tell them about what we’d been hiding from everyone.

We played it up like they were the lucky chosen ones, and if they proved themselves worthy they’d be the first ones inducted into the coolest secret club ever to exist, way more fun than all the other mischief we got into together. We told them that we’d only spill it if they swore never to tell anyone about it, to which they eagerly agreed. We also warned them that if they ever snitched on us, we’d just say they were getting into all the same trouble with us all along and they’d only be snitching on themselves too, even if they were guilty or not. That only made them that much more curious of what kind of trouble we’d been getting into, but even if they were starting to have suspicions by then they still weren’t backing out, and the bigger deal we made of it the more intrigued they got. We ended up swearing a pact of secrecy through mutually assured destruction, and after that much build up we were sure enough that we could trust them. We had as much plausible deniability as they did, and nobody had anything to gain from ratting each other out no matter how fucked up our secrets were.

They were so excited to finally find out what we’d been hiding all this time, and we decided to keep them in suspense and not tell them anything until we snuck away to hide somewhere. By then if they didn’t already have some kind of inkling to what’s going on then they must have been clueless, so it was a good sign that they were still playing along and so eager to find out. We were just as excited to finally tell them, and we were flying high on adrenaline as we realized that our secret club might actually be gaining some new members if things go well. Sharing this secret was either going to be a really good idea or a really bad one, and we were about to find out.

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