Aunts in my Pants (A vested interest)
One of the names was changed, to protect the guilty. #m2f #f2m
“Uh,” I went over to the coffee maker, and got a cup out of the cabinet. “You don’t mind if I ask a personal question?”
“I guess it depends how personal the questions are.” Aunt Meg shook her head, so I turned to Kay, and took a deep breath.
“Uh, you ever feel like, you know. A, guy?”
“Huh!” She rolled her eyes, and untucked her bangs, to hide in her hair. So, I looked away, because she’s shy, I guess. You know the quiet ones they probably think a lot, but it’s impossible to tell exactly what they’re thinking. So, I just waited her out.
“Well,” Aunt Mel spoke up, “We all go through a Tomboy phase, or most of us. I outgrew it, but she doesn’t dress like this to act like a man.” She pulled a chair over to sit down, and hug her.
“Well, honestly.” Kay shook her head, then she nodded. “Yeah, I guess I kinda do get jealous of them sometimes.” She shrugged.
“Really?” Mel leaned over to look her in the eye, or tried to peer through her bangs, but I thought about maybe if I combed them back. You couldn’t tell I had bangs like that, unless I combed them out, or swept them back behind 1 ear, the way Kay usually did. “You never told me that.”
“Huh!” She took a deep breath, and let it out, then took another one. “Well,” she shrugged, “You never asked.”
“I guess there’s a little overlap between sexuality, and gender.” Aunt Mel guessed, and Kay just nodded. She didn’t bite her lip, or do any other girly things, at all. She didn’t swagger, with her shoulders sticking out either, she was just kinda there, but I saw something in her, I like to think I recognized.
I pulled a chair back, to the corner of the kitchen cabinets, to give them some space. “Uh, Kevin? You think you could leave us alone to talk, privately?”
“Of course.” Mom, and dad were coming in the front door anyway, so I just went up to my room, and thought. Mostly about that brown sleeveless sweater that Kay wore all the time, or at least 2 days in a row. Not unlike the cardigan that my sister, and her friends wore to school, but that was part of the uniform. Navy blue, and had the logo for the Christian Academy on the breast.
Not that any of them had breasts, but Kay didn’t look boyish at all. No matter how she dressed, she couldn’t hide those hips, for instance. She even had a little curve around the front of the vest. No corner in her jaw, like the hard obtuse angles that were starting to stick out around my face. The stupid blunt chin that is probably going to turn into a butt like my dad’s, and I might have to start shaving soon.
“Huh!” Maybe I could get a vest like that, though. Cable knit, instead of so plain, and I’ve got a flannel shirt around here somewhere. Short sleeve, and cotton, so I had to dig it out of my summer clothes, but red, and white. Maybe a muted green, to match the red checks, like a tiny table cloth. A napkin to match, though the thanksgiving stuff is brown, and orange.
Mostly, I don’t feel trapped. Of course, I can understand Kay being jealous of guys sometimes. Honestly, it’s great. Nobody talks down to you, like you’re an idiot, and you get to go out. Do whatever you want, as long as it isn’t gay. I guess it’s a little selfish of me, to feel oppressed just because I can’t wear what I want to.
My friends wouldn’t understand if I showed up in a peach top, with bloused sleeves, and maybe a little lace around the collar? The hem, and sleeves to hide the lines on my arms. Especially on the inside, between the muscle and the bone, I held them in the mirror. Feeling my pulse in my thumbs against the bones, and took a deep breath.
“Huh!” She sighed, and rolled her eyes at me. I shrugged at her in the mirror, but I still can’t see it. Maybe if I grew my bangs out, and got a cable knit sweater. I’ll ask my mom, if she can get me one like that, for Christmas, but maybe green? A dark boyish green, to match the burnt orange of my favorite shirt. I don’t really like UT Austin, or care about sports, but it’s an excuse to wear Burnt Orange. I felt the letters printed on the pocket, because they’re not sewn on, let alone embroidered.
A 3 button pullover polo type shirt, without the polo player logo embroidered on the breast. Not that I have any breasts. I got out my Army Vest, and held it up, to see if the colors matched, or clashed. Olive drab, at least the burnt orange wasn’t too bright, or washed out, so I put it on. Pulled the collar out, and felt the corners, but I could just imagine them rounded off.
With a little lace, maybe a shade lighter. I can’t wear pink, I’m an peach, but sometimes I wish there was a college with it in their colors. So, I could get away with wearing peach. “Yeah, I’m a peach.” It brings out the green in my hazel eyes, and the red highlights in my auburn hair, but only just. It’s too short for anything but the tips to sun bleach, and catch the sunlight coming in my window, but if I grew my bangs out.
I guess, I might look like a boxy jawed Lesbian. “Huh!” She batted her eyes, and blew a kiss, so I could go back out, and see if the aunts want to talk.
She knocked, and peeked in the door. “Hey man, you mind if we talk?” Her bangs fell over her eyes, but she tucked them back behind her ear again.
“Sure,” I put my book up. “What’s up?”
“Huh, I couldn’t help but notice that you’ve been acting a little. Interested?”
“I want to be a girl.” I took a deep breath, to late, and then I just let it out. “Huh, I think, I always was a girl, inside.”
I scooted over, so she could sit down. “Yeah, that’s rough.” That’s it, she just put her foot up, over her knee, and started bouncing it nervously, but that’s all she said.
“I guess it’s easier passing as a Tomboy, but there’s really not a place for guys like me. Is it a guy, or a girl? Like me.”
She shrugged, “I don’t know, I guess that’s up to you, but which would you prefer?”
“I don’t know yet, but what about you?”
“It doesn’t really matter,” she laughed, “Honestly, my preferred pronoun is You. It’s not gender specific, and if you call me you, that means you’re talking to me, instead of about me.”
“Behind your back?”
She shrugged, “You get used to it.”
“I hope so, but I guess you mean that Him, or Her, are impersonal.” She nodded. “That means I’m talking about you, not to you?” Again. “Huh, I like that. You, you means you, or I guess I is the same sort of thing.”
“Yeah, I.” She chuckled. “I guess I never thought about him, or her either, but. I like your vest.” She felt my pocket.
“Well, it was cheap at the army surplus, but.”
“It brings out the green in your eyes.”
“I like your bangs, and is that cable knit?” I stopped, just short of touching her breast.
“You want to try it on?” She got up, “I’ll trade you.”
“I thought it was your favorite.”
“It is, but I’d like you to have it.” She pulled it off, in one smooth motion, and shook her hair out of her eyes. “Huh,” smiling, she tucked it back, behind her ear, and held the sweater out, with the other hand.
“Okay,” I unzipped my army vest. Flak jacket, I guess. It said Armor, Body Fragmentation] then [Protective, with 3/4 collar.] On the inside, it didn’t say whether it was Kevlar, or ceramic plates, that it was supposed to come with, but it just had empty pouches, with snaps to hold them in.
I pulled on the cable knit, and turned around to the mirror. “How do I look?”
“I don’t know, turn around.” She looked up at me, and smiled. “Now, it makes your eyes look browner.” Her’s looked big, and blue. Sleepy, and they shut before I turned my head, to get my nose out of the way of her nose, and kissed her.
“Thanks, uh.” I stepped back. “I’m sorry, uh. You’re married to my aunt, and I don’t know why i did that.”
I backed up, but she stepped forward, and kept coming forward, until I had to sit back on the bed again. “It’s okay,” she leaned over. “What Meg doesn’t know won’t hurt her.”
My aunt Megan. Her wife leaning over, with her hands heavy on my shoulders, to turn her head, and close her eyes. Kissing me back, she sniffed loudly. “Huh!” I pushed her off, and then I realized why the pockets felt so soft when I let go of her chest.
I shook my head, but then I remembered something. Something I didn’t understand. I was too young to understand at the time, but Mega.
That’s what her friends called her, Mega. The coolest girl in school, even when I was just starting, first grade? She was in 6th grade, because she’s so much younger than my dad that she was just finishing elementary school. When I was just starting Kindergarten? oh yeah, she got held back, suspended for acting out, so she had to take 6th grade over again.
“Oh, are you okay? I’m sorry.” Kay’s cheeks were red, but then the blush went away, and she just hugged me. “I didn’t mean to make you cry.”
“Huh, it’s not you, it’s.” I shook my head, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t shake it out of there. Aunt Mega coming over, after school, and Merry wasn’t even in Pre-K yet. “Huh, she was always her favorite, and I got so jealous. I wanted to bounce on her knee, and play girl games, but she never let me.”
“Who?” I looked up, at Kay’s blue eyes, looking back and forth at mine.
“My sister, and aunt Mega.”
She snorted, and covered her nose. “Mega, she told me that her friends used to call her that, but it always sounded so silly.”
“Kay, I have to tell you something, but.” I held her shoulders, and took a deep breath. “I think she molested my sister. My little sister,” I broke down again, and she hugged me. I just cried, and hardly even noticed her bra against my arm through the pockets, and heavy canvas of my old army vest. My flack jackets, without sleeves, olive drab gabardine. Water repellant, and warm.
I wasn’t going to miss that jacket. Even though it was my favorite, because it brought out the green in my eyes. “Huh, snh!” I wiped them, and sucked salty snot back up my nose. Reached for the kleenex box to blow it, and throw it out in the trashcan, but the bedside.
“Huh, are you sure?”
“Gnoh?” I shook my head, and sniffed again so I wasn’t so stuffed up. I swallowed it, “But she used to bounce her on her knee.”
“Okay, well if you didn’t know any better, I suppose that might be like a man sitting her in his lap.” She made excuses, she didn’t want to believe it, but that’s why they ran off to Springfield. Colorado, so they could get married, and live together, as a Lesbian couple.
“Huh, well isn’t it a little sexist to think that it’s always a man, and always a little girl, being molested? You should know as well as I do that a woman can do anything a man can.”
“Huh, you’re right. I guess I want to think about the good stuff, and I maybe focused a little too much on pissing, standing up.”
“Oh yeah?” I thought. “Well, I guess that’s a perk, but of course she sat in her lap. She never touched her, down there with her hands, but she held her hips, and showed her how to sit on her knee.”
“Huh, yeah. You’re right, that’s. That’s how she likes it.”
“Tribado.” She nodded.
“Well, I guess it’s like Frottage is for men, only.”
“Oh,” I remembered, “You mean Tribbing.”
“Yeah, your sister mentioned that you like to watch lesbian porn with your friends.”
“No, I. Guess, maybe I showed the guys once, but not all the time.”
“Well, she said she heard you talking about it, loudly in here through the door.”
“Well, you know how loud guys get when they’re excited, and everyone starts talking at once. So, you have to yell over them.” She nodded silently, “I didn’t know she was listening, though.”
“Huh, well I don’t know, how to feel about this.” She rubbed her arms, then felt up to the arm holes of her jacket. “This is really warm though.”
“I’m glad you like it, I love this too.” I kissed her quick, “Thanks.”
“Don’t mention it, but I’m starting to wonder if it’s okay to leave them alone together.” So, we went over to the girl’s room, and knocked, but they were just sitting on the bed, talking.
“Uh,” my sister looked back and forth, “What’s she wearing that for?”
“I gave it to her.” I pulled the cable knit down behind me, and around the front, but it stretched. “And her me.”
“But it’s your favorite,” they both said, then looked at each other. “Jinx! You owe me a coke.” Again, in unison. Like twins, or best friends, even though neither of them had seen each other in. Well, let me do the math. 5, or 6 years, so half of Mary’s life, give or take.
“Huh, you know you look so much like Mega did, back when she was your age?” I wanted to grab Kay’s hand, standing right next to each other, right in front of my aunt, and little sister. Ever since she opened up, it felt like we’d know each other all our lives, when we only met a couple days ago, but she’s married to my aunt.
My aunt Mega, that used to babysit me, when I was in first grade, and bounce my little sister on her knee. Showed her how to sit, and even held her hips to hump it, like a horny dog.
I shook my head, and tried to say something, but I choked up, and ran off to cry alone. Kay came after me, found me, and hugged me. Kissed me again, and that made me feel better. “Huh, I don’t know what we’re going to do, but.” She looked down, and took another deep breath. “Huh, it’s not every day you meet your opposite sex.”
“Huh!” I never thought about it like that, because for normal people, that isn’t true. There’s men, and women, boys and girls all around, forever. That’s why we don’t never know what to say, whether we run off at the mouth to cover up, or just sit back in the corner, alone.
Until we find someone, that we can talk to, because they can understand what we’re going through…
Kelly (g2m trans denouement)
“Huh, I thought I might be a transvestite, at first. Until I got a smart phone, so i could look things up on the internet.”
“Of course, I didn’t know the words to look up anything else, I didn’t know what LGBT stood for. We don’t exactly have Pride here.” In the heart of Texas, the very buckle of the bible belt. “Growing up Catholic, huh. I guess if I was a girl, my dad would have sent me to the girl’s school, in that horrible uniform.”
“What’s wrong with it?”
“Blue and green, they clash. I know, it’s Black Watch Stewart Tartan, but still. It’s navy blue, and dark green. It looks terrible, didn’t they have the color wheel in Scotland?”
“I don’t know, but I can’t see it.” She shrugged. Against me, it was more reassuring. Even with her bra cups around my arm, the way we sit together, it’s not even sexual, let alone gay. I guess I’d have to find someone like me, to be gay with.
“Huh, so anyway. I found the transvestites first. That wasn’t a turnon, because they always showed that something extra they had in their panties.”
“Their hardons?” She rubbed my back, through the cable knit.
“Hard or soft, I don’t even want to look at my own junk, let alone another guy’s.”
“Huh, yeah. I can sympathize, because when I started sprouting.” Her other hand felt up to my chest. “I still miss having a flat chest.”
“You don’t want to have surgery, like a sex change?”
“No, what good would that do? I never fit in as a girl, it sure wouldn’t help me fit in as a pretty boy.”
“Yeah, your bangs.” I felt them, “They kinda make you look like a pretty boy.” Tucked them behind her ear. “Especially when you do that.” I chucked my head to swing imaginary bangs out of my eyes. “That emo thing with them.”
“Huhah, yeah. I don’t know why it makes guys, well most guys look douchey when they do that. Douche bangs.”
I laughed too. “You know, you really have a great sense of humor when you open up.”
“Well, I always thought that, even if I never said it.”
“My sweater looks so much better on you.” She pulled it up, so I had to scooch, and let her pull it out from under my butt. “But why don’t you take it off.”
“Okay,” I felt in the flap on my old jacket, and picked out the zipper pull. “Why don’t you take this off, too?”
“Okay.” We took it slow, but what about her wife, and my sister?
Well, we’re not going to be able to stop them. We decided that, as long as both are willing, it’s not really consenting adults, but what the fuck?
Mega doesn’t love her any more, now that she found out that she’s been going out with a man all along. Likewise, Kay doesn’t want to be married to a child molester, and she was just a baby for Christ’s sake. Of course she didn’t do anything too obvious in front of me.
Just bounced her on her knee, but that was enough. Eventually, to realize years later that she’d been molesting her all along, but it was about time I felt something, with someone else.
Finally, I felt her hand. My aunt’s in my pants, and for the first time, the hardness didn’t make me feel uncomfortable…
#Abuse #Lesbian #Virgin