Abused and raped my son

I sexually abused and raped my disabled son, but I know that he enjoyed every moment of it, as did I. But now I feel like a bad mother.

Alex is an 11 year old boy, he is my son, he has cerebral palsy and spends most of his day in a wheelchair because he is unable to move and function like other boys.

About a week ago I had just given him his bath and got him out using his bath lift harness, I pushed him through to his room and laid him down on his bed, a procedure I’d done a million times during his lifetime, and everything was going as normal until something new happened.

I was drying him off with a towel and when I was drying his genital region it caused a reaction, I suddenly felt something hard underneath the towel as I was drying him, when I pulled the towel away I saw that he had a fully erect penis.

I wasn’t even prepared for it, I had noticed that his testicles had gotten a bit bigger over a few months, but he had no pubic hair and I had not even thought that he would be going through puberty at this stage of his life, even the doctors when they gave me certain medication to give him told me that the side effects of the medication may delay his sexual development, so I was genuinely surprised by the sudden appearance of this 5-inch twitching cock staring me in the face.

“Oh, my, look at that. Let’s leave that alone shall we.” I said to him, he didn’t even seem to notice he had an erection, he was just his usual happy smiling self, drooling down the side of his mouth.

I dressed him and put him in to his bed and he went to sleep.

Every night since, always after his bath, when I was drying him on his bed, resulted in the same reaction, every single time he got an erection, and every time he did I ignored it.

And then 2 nights ago, I did something I really shouldn’t have.

He was on his bed naked and I was drying him off, and yes, once again, he got an erection, only this time I found myself unable to ignore it, I began to envision what his life is going to be like growing up, it is terribly sad but I know he will never be in a relationship, he will never fall in love, he will never get married, he will never have children, and he will never experience the pleasures of life.

I didn’t want my son to go through life never experiencing its joys and pleasures, I couldn’t give him marriage or children, but there was one thing I could do for him.

I sat myself down beside him and I leaned down and gave him a kiss, then I placed my hand at my side and behind me, I gripped hold of his erect cock and I started to jerk it, I rubbed his head and told him everything was fine, he was smiling a little more than usual, “Is that nice? – Do you like that? – Yes you do don’t you. Yes you do.” I said to him.

I tugged on his cock for a good 5 minutes and he made a little grunting noise when he ejaculated, he had a very strong ejaculation, there was semen all the way up to his chest, “Woooh – Wow. That feel good? – Yeah.” I said, adoring the smile on his face, I knew my son and his expressions, and I knew he clearly enjoyed it.

I cleaned him up, dressed him and put him to bed.

Then last night after his bath I was lifting him out on his lift harness and he already had an erection, instead of taking him straight to his bedroom, I left him hanging on his harness and I stood between his legs, with his cock at my chest level, I put his legs over my shoulders and I started to suck on his cock.

I’m a lonely woman, I’m single and raising him on my own, I too have sexual needs and I just lost control and wanted to feel a cock in my mouth again, I couldn’t stop myself.

I sucked on his very hard cock for 2-3 minutes, it twitched and swelled inside my mouth, Alex grunted and then I felt his warm semen drowning my tongue and warming my cheeks, filling up my mouth quickly.

I swallowed his heavy load and then licked his shaft clean as it slowly softened and shrunk, “Did mommy suck Alex’s big cock? – Yes she did. Yes she did.”, he smiled and laughed in his own way, then I took him back to his bed, put on his pyjamas and he went to sleep.

I was in my bed and all I could think about was how good Alex’s cock and semen tasted in my mouth, it made me very-very wet and super horny.

So I went back to his room, I removed his bottoms and then I took off all my clothes and I climbed up on to his bed and I rubbed his cock until he got an erection, I licked, sucked and kissed it lovingly, he was awake and seeming happy for me to be doing what I was doing.

Then I sat over him and pushed his cock inside my pussy and slowly moved my hips around, working his cock inside me, I could feel his cock was extremely hard, in fact I could of sworn I felt it getting even harder while it was inside me, “Mommy loves you, Alex.” I said, while moaning lightly.

I rode his cock very slowly, savouring every moment, then I leaned down so I was practically laid on top of him, I held his head against mine and I kissed and stroked his pretty face, “You’re my beautiful boy. My beautiful boy.” I whispered in to his ear, and I listened to him breathing heavily and grunting occasionally with pleasure, I was giving my little boy pleasure and he was happy, as was I.

I had been slowly riding him for nearly 15 minutes when I felt myself approaching orgasm, but I needed fast stimulation to reach it, so I rode him faster, just rocking myself back and forth on his cock, almost snapping it off, his bed is a special one with wheels and it started rolling across the floor as I rode him harder and harder, “Mommy loves you.” I moaned, “Uh – Ungh – Mommy loves you, Alex – Oooah.” I moaned and moaned.

And I orgasm’d and drenched his balls with my fluids, and moments later I felt him swell up inside me and ejaculate his semen in to me, “Yes, ooh Alex, Oah my baby – Yes. Good – Good – Good boy, Alex.” I moaned with pleasure, feeling his lovely semen warming my insides.

So, yes, that’s about the gist of it really.

I sexually abused and raped my disabled son.

Am I going to hell or not?

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