Nobody

“No, just let me go.” I tried to reason with him, “You’re drunk.”

He just wouldn’t listen to me, but I dropped my underwear to take a piss. I was drunk too, but getting grabbed, and mauled by a total stranger out of nowhere really started sobering me up.

“Huh!” Then, I swear, I heard an exasperated sigh. “You heard the man, let him go.”

“Fuck off, lady,” he turned, and looked over, and then literally let go of my junk. “What the fuck? Who’re you supposed to be?”

“Nobody?”

“That’s your superhero name?”

“No, it’s just none of your goddamned business.” She unzipped her bodysuit, way past her navel, and pulled it open, to expose her breast.

“Now what do you think you’re doing?”

“I can’t do this with my clothes on.” She stepped forward, how she snuck up behind him in those heels is a total mystery.

“Do what, show us your super power?” He looked over at me, and I looked away. Trying not to throw up, just from the motion of turning my head, the world lurched, and I caught myself on the side of the dumpster.

Whatever those things they stick the fork lift blades in, to pick them up, and dump them. “YAUGH!” JägerMeister. “HRUGHLK!” Why did it have to be JägerBombs? “Spit!”

“Fuck you, man!” Her high pitched voice hurt my head, which was just starting to slow down spinning.

“Sorry sweetcheeks, I’m kinda gay, right Al?” I looked over, and as soon as he turned away, she grabbed his hands, stuffed them in her top, jumped, wrapped her legs around him, swung down between his, somehow clearing her ponytail on the pavement, and threw him face-first into the wall.

“GJH!” She let go, panting, and crawled out. Like a cat, cat woman? I didn’t see a whip, but I don’t fucking know, I’m not a comicbook nerd. This latest craze of comicbook adaptions hopefully over, so we can go back to normal movies, with believable action, like.

“Are you okay?” Black Widow? Only if she wore all red and a mask that covered everything but her mouth, and chin. Maybe Daredevil without the horns, and if he was a woman.

“Who the fuck are you?”

“Uh!” her eyes rolled in her mask, “Neverfuckingmind, are you okay!”

“Yeah, he got a little rough, I’m a little too drunk to fuck, and now, he’s. How the fuck did you do that?” She looked over her shoulder, juggling the fat sacks back in her zippers. Look, I’m not a tits guy, okay? You might even call me an ass man, so sue me. “Great,” she turned, and started walking off.

“No really, I’m sorry, uh,” I staggered, and caught the wall. Gritting my teeth, loathe as I was to admit it. “Huh, you saved me, okay? Come back, and at least tell me who saved me from getting raped.” I choked up on “Aghun!” It was supposed to be Again, but I just couldn’t.

“I just can’t.”

“Huh!” That same exasperated sigh, but this time, it comforted me. “So, you’re not okay.”

“Gnoh? I’m drunk. Uh, I don’t know how I’m going to get home, and I just want to die.”

“Oh,” she hugged me, and she didn’t feel that strong. “I’m sorry, this wasn’t some sort of, self destructive. Kinda, thing?”

“I don’t know? Getting drunk in a gay bar, hoping to get picked up by some strange guy?”

“Well, you sure picked a real winner.”

“Is he still passed out?”

“No, he’s dead. I think I broke his neck.”

“Oh god!”

“Well, I’m sorry! I didn’t have a chance to put down safety mats or anything.”

“So, you’re a vigilante?”

“No?”

“Serial killer?”

“No! I’m just a pervert, like you. Look, I just came out here to smoke a dooby.”

“Really?”

“Yes really, you know that LAZER is a fetish club, right?” Next door, to the gay bar where I had to buy my own drinks all night.

“Uh huh?” I’m just not into anything rough like. You know, tie me up, and beat me BDSM stuff. “Oh,” I felt her arm, “Is this Vinyl?”

“Yeah, PVC. Polyvinyl chloride, why?”

“Uh, it just explains the outfit, but it doesn’t explain how you’re able to hypnotize him, and kill him so easily.”

“I didn’t hypnotize him, he was drunk. Very drunk, and yeah I’m kinda dominant, but I never even tried it on a pissed off man, let alone a gay one before. In fact, I can’t believe that worked!”

“Me neither, but what about the wrestling move?”

“It’s my signature move. You know Gauge?”

“The superhero?”

“No, the pornstar.”

“No, I’ve never heard of him.”

“Huh, right.” She shook her head, “I keep forgetting you’re gay.” She muttered to herself. “Huh, what a fucking night.” Her heels clocked in the alley way. “Well, you still need a ride? We should probably deass the crime scene before anybody else comes out to find the body.”

“Yeah, can you help me?”

“Help you what?”

“I don’t think I can make it, on my own 2 feet. Did I mention I’m extremely drunk?”

“Huh!” That same sigh. “Yeah, but you might want to tuck your junk back in before we get out on the street.”

“Oh,” I looked down. “Yeah, you’re right.”

I can’t believe I fell for it, twice in 1 night! How could I be so stupid? She saved me from one rapist, only to take me home, and rape me in her dungeon.

Oh well, it’s not that bad. She really knows how to fuck! I just guess I never met the right woman before, but she’s not like any other woman. I know, it sounds cliche’, but it’s true.

I guess it doesn’t hurt that she was born a boy, and hadn’t had the operation yet. As much as I hate to admit it, she’s right. I am kind of a serial victim.

;

Author

Sorry about the spoiler in the #Tags.

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