I've never felt more pathetic

I’m just sitting here jerking off to vids of my mom having sex with the guy who bullies me. We both just finished middle school, we were in the same class the whole time and he made the last 3 years of my life hell. He's only 14 like me but he isn’t a normal 14yo, he looks like a high school senior and he has been banging girls since like 6th grade. He has done at least some stuff with most of the girls in our class and my mom isn’t even the 1st grown woman he has fucked. He just has this weird affect on girls where they get really obsessed with him even though he treats them like shit, i don’t get it. Whenever he saw my mom picking me up from school he said really gross stuff about her to me and always said he will fuck her one day, i thought that was ridiculous but now he's actually fucking doing it and i can't stop jerking off to the pics and vids he sends me.

I spend the summers with my dad and the rest of the year with my mom, a couple weeks ago i went to my dad's place and less than a week after i arrived my bully started sending me the pics. The 1st one he sent me was him sitting on the couch in my living room with my mom on her knees in front of him sucking his dick and he took a pic of the mirror so i could see the whole thing, i couldn't believe my eyes at 1st and i said he used AI to make it but then he sent me some vids and they were definitely real. He just moved in to my mom’s house as soon as i left. He sends me a vid and i watch it even though i know i shouldn’t, it gets me hard and i can’t resist the urge to jerk off to it, then after i cum i feel so disgusted with myself and i delete it. But then next time a message comes in i can’t resist looking at it and the whole thing happens again. It tears me up inside to see my mom like that, getting violently fucked by the person i hate most in the whole world, but it just does something to me and when i see it i get more turned on than i ever have been before. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me.