The Classified Ad

Two young men answer a classified ad in their local newspaper seeking males and females to appear in blowjob movies. One of them possesses a special talent.

Part One

In the days before the advent of the internet, when newspapers were still relevant, my hometown had two of them to inform and amuse the local population. One, called the Free Press, was published six days per week, Monday through Saturday. It was considered our town’s respectable paper. The second was called the Sentinel. It was a weekly newspaper that appeared on Saturdays. It thoroughly covered local news stories and almost nothing else. However, the main reason why people bought and read the Sentinel was not for news. It was for its vast classified ads. Sometimes they occupied half the newspaper.

Of course, the Free Press had classified ads, too, but the Sentinel’s adverts were more sweeping and garnered a wider variety of readers. Ads that would appear in the Sentinel were often deemed to salacious or controversial to appear in the more respectable Free Press. For example, the Sentinel would regularly have a section dubbed “escorts”—which was plainly obvious to any intelligent person it was where local prostitutes promoted their services. I recall one such ad that stated, “Your bubble bath for two is waiting. Call Cheryl.” Another said, “Naughty 18-year-old blonde must be punished. Phone Sarah.” Obviously, the girls who placed those two “escort” ads in the Sentinel weren’t expecting to be taken to an embassy ball like Eliza Doolittle.

I, Steve Buckley, was 21 years old in 1995. One day I met my longtime friend Arthur Chisholm at the local diner for lunch. The diner routinely had newspapers freely available for its customers to enjoy, so Arthur grabbed a copy of the Sentinel. It was hot off the presses as it was a Saturday. While he was sipping on a cola, Arthur began scanning its classifieds to see if anything caught his eye. Something definitely did! In a section benignly titled “Adult”, there was an ad that said, “Today only! Adult film company looking for actors and actresses to appear in blowjob movies. Must be at least 18. Opportunity for high paying career. Report to parking lot next to Riverside Motel at 2 p.m. Phone for further details.” A telephone number was given.

Arthur laughed and passed me the paper so I could read for myself the ad that was amusing him. “Steve, I’m tempted to call that number to find out if it’s legitimate,” he told me.

“What? You dare to doubt the truthfulness of an ad in the Sentinel?” I said in a sarcastic voice before chuckling at its contents. “I can tell you for sure this ad would never appear in the Free Press. Yeah, Arthur, you ought to give that number a call. Maybe this can launch you on your way to vast fame and fortune.”

“Actually, Steve, I thought the ad would interest you,” Arthur replied. “Aren’t you the fellow who is always bragging about your terrific cum shots? This sounds like ideal work for someone like you!”

Part Two

I was taken aback somewhat by the fact that Arthur was speaking in a voice that could be clearly heard four tables away from us. I came from a family whose members were avid churchgoers and had deeply founded morals about right and wrong with very few grey areas. I was the outlier in the family. As soon as my parents quit forcing me to attend Sunday church services when I was 14, I stopped going. I still firmly believed in a supreme being, but I found the rules one had to abide by to be considered a good Christian in our community were high-handed and quite repressive—especially about sex. I figured God was a sport and probably favored my point of view on such delicate matters.

I had first engaged sexual activity at age 12 and I liked it a lot. Since that milestone day, I’d been doing it every chance I could with pretty much any willing female I could find. As Arthur had referenced, I was proud of my ejaculations which, I was told, were unusually powerful. There was also anecdotal evidence. A few years later, I was merrily riding a red-headed classmate with loose morals named Vicky Zimmerman. I was engaged in missionary-style intercourse which led to a spectacular climax. I pulled out of Vicky’s vagina with about five seconds to spare with the intention of shooting my load onto her sexy, teenage body. However, I elevated my penis more than I intended. This error in judgement sent several ropes of my thick semen flying completely beyond Vicky’s prostrate body. One blast struck the base of a wall that was at least two feet behind her.

“You must have eaten your Wheaties today, Steve!” my awestruck sex partner said with amazement as she gazed at the remnants of my huge ejaculation. They were scattered far and wide, mostly beside and behind Vicky’s head. She hadn’t gotten a single drop of my cum. (To make up for it, I screwed Vicky a second time a few days later. My aim was better. I filled her mouth with my seed. She gagged at the volume and the power behind it.)

“I don’t eat Wheaties,” I told her. “What just happened is totally natural and normal for me. I suppose it’s a special gift from Mother Nature.”

“Talent like that shouldn’t be wasted,” Vicky opined.

After Arthur’s statement, I thought back to what Vicki had said all those years ago. To Arthur’s surprise, I quickly agreed to report to the parking lot described in the classified ad—as long as Arthur agreed to go with me. “You might get laid out of this, Arthur!” I told him. That was all the convincing he needed. I checked my wristwatch. It was not quite 1:20, so we had 40 minutes to get there. We didn’t phone in advance. We just paid our diner bills, hopped into Arthur’s car, and showed up as walk-ins.

We arrived with plenty of time to spare. This particular parking lot used to be for a hardware store that had closed nearly 30 years before. It was now used for overflow parking for the motel. Arthur and I were both astonished to see it nearly filled with vehicles—a true rarity. There had to be close to 70 people who had been drawn there because of the ad. They seemed equally split between males and females.

When we found a parking space at the far end of the lot, we were approached by a man clutching a clipboard. He asked us if we were responding to the ad in the Sentinel. We confirmed that was indeed the case. He took down our names and told us to wait amongst the rest of the crowd. Apparently, somebody with a megaphone would soon be arriving to address us about the details of what we could expect.

Sure enough, precisely at 2 o’clock, a large man, probably weighing close to 300 pounds, appeared—and he was toting a megaphone. He identified himself merely as Todd. He thanked us for showing up and proceeded to explain what would happen next. He said we all needed to register with the man holding the clipboard. (His name was Bryan; Arthur and I already had done so). Todd said that we would be randomly paired into male/female couples. When it was our turn to enter the motel, we would be summoned as a twosome to step forward. Bryan would lead us to a room inside the motel.

Once we got to a certain room, we would meet a director named Forrest and his unnamed cameraman. The male half of the couple was required to completely disrobe. The female would, at a minimum, remove her top so her breasts were clearly visible, and then perform fellatio on the male to the best of her ability. (Amusingly, Todd had to explain that fellatio was a formal term for a blowjob when someone sincerely asked him about it.) The male’s job was to attain an orgasm and ejaculate on the female’s breasts or face, or cum in her open mouth so it could all be recorded on film. Those who excelled at his/her task would likely be asked to appear in full-length porn flicks and would start to be paid the going rate.

Then Todd got into the nitty-gritty of finances. "Remember, this is basically a tryout for the porn business. Today, opportunity is knocking!" Todd told the assembled throng. "However, to satisfy some legal requirements, you will each be paid a nominal fee of $2 for participating today."

Apparently, the paltry introductory pay was made quite clear to anyone who telephoned the number printed in the classified ad. Anyone who just showed up was only learning this now. There was a predictable reaction. About half a dozen females who were offended by the piddling amount decided to withdraw, and walked briskly to their cars. "Getting paid $2 to be filmed for doing a topless blowjob is an insult!" stated one disgusted young lady who, sadly, was among the best-looking ones there. Very tellingly, no males opted to walk away. Todd retook the female attendance so he could remove the quitters' names from the roster and begin organizing the male/female pairings. He ended up with 34 males and 30 females—including a young married couple who arrived during his remarks and still wanted to participate provided they were paired together. Bryan had no problem with that demand at all. He said that there might be a considerable wait for the last couples paired together, but platters of sandwiches and cases of soft drinks would be arriving shortly for everyone as a goodwill gesture. Todd joked, "Maybe those six women wouldn't have walked away if they knew in advance about the free meal!"

When Todd asked if there were any questions before the pairings were made, someone did ask something that had also occurred to me: "Why did you come to this relatively small suburban area to find actors and actresses instead of advertising in a major city with a larger population?"

Todd gave a very honest reply. He said, "Your local newspaper, the Sentinel, was the only paper within 100 miles of a big city that would accept our classified ad as we had written it."

That remark wasn't intended to be funny, but it got a large laugh from the 64 remaining people who had responded to the ad. The loud guffaw surprised Todd.

A second logical question followed. A concerned fellow noted, "There are four more males than females here. Does that mean four of us won't get a blowjob today?"

Predictably, the males seemed keenly interested in Todd's answer. "No," he responded, "it simply means we'll use four of the best females twice. They'll be paid accordingly. There's no need to worry, fellows. You'll all get your dicks sucked today. I promise! You final four just won't know who your partner will be right away."

Part Three

According to Todd’s lottery results, Arthur was slotted into the fourth pairing with a fortyish woman named Melissa. She was heavyset and not especially appealing to my eyes. On the other hand, I was placed in the seventh pair, matched with a real cutie named McKenzie. I figured the slim and sexy blonde was about 25 years old. We were encouraged by Todd to meet our partners beforehand, which I did with alacrity. She seemed as happy to be paired with me as I was by my good fortune. That was flattering! I learned that McKenzie Jacobs was 26, so my estimate was fairly accurate. She had once attended the same high school I had. I was still enrolled in middle school the year she graduated, so we were never in high school together. Trying my best to be a gentleman, I got McKenzie's sandwich and drink for her. The more I talked to her, the more anxious I was for her to start stimulating my rod with her mouth. I knew I'd have no trouble rising to the occasion.

I was still working on my ham sandwich when Arthur and Melissa were summoned. About 12 minutes later they returned. Melissa seemed disappointed while Arthur had a poker face. He quietly and philosophically said to me, “Steve, I’m sure I won’t be called back. I heard the director say my cum shot lacked power and was too watery. I’m not complaining, though. I was paid for receiving a blowjob and got a free lunch as a bonus. As far as I’m concerned, it was time well spent.” Arthur made a point of thanking Melissa before she left. He was raised to be a gentleman, too!

About half an hour later McKenzie and I were called to report. We were led by Bryan to Room #15 and let inside. There we were greeted by Forrest and his cameraman named Mel. McKenzie had cutely taken hold of my hand during the brief walk. Forrest noticed and asked if we knew each other before today. “No,” I replied. “McKenzie is just the friendly type.”

Forrest reminded us of our respective tasks—not that we needed any reminding. He clearly placed the emphasis on the female’s work far ahead of the male’s labors. “McKenzie, stimulate Steve’s dick the best way you know how. Steve, your job is merely to enjoy and ejaculate. Don’t come to soon, but when you do come, don’t hold back, either. Give McKenzie your best shot. She’s adorable. I think she deserves it from you.”

I removed my clothing in a hurry and was directed to put everything into a plastic receptacle marked “male” in a corner of the room. For some reason, walking around naked in front of three strangers seemed perfectly normal to me. I noticed that McKenzie had not removed her shorts, but her bare breasts were lovely distractions. I decided I was going to play with them during the blowjob whether I was supposed to do that or not.

The large bed in the room was not used. The carpeted floor had an X marked on it with yellow tape. That was where the male stood the entire time. Two feet away were pillows for the female to kneel on while she was sucking on her partner’s dick. We each took our respective positions and waited for Forrest to call, “Action!”

When that moment came, McKenzie aggressively grabbed my penis and began to fondle it. I reciprocated by cupping McKenzie’s jiggly boobs, which was a real treat for me. Forrest said nothing, so I correctly assumed I was allowed to do that. I was just beginning to feel McKenzie’s nipples get stiff when she popped my shaft into her mouth and began strongly sucking on it. The sensation was excellent! I began to moan in ecstasy, but I suppressed it because I didn’t know if my voice would ruin the shot. “Feel free to say whatever you want to say,” Forrest told both of us. “There is no sound equipment here. In effect, you two are making a silent movie.”

That news somehow made me feel liberated. I told McKenzie she was a sexy piece of feminine perfection and I loved having my dick sucked by her. I coached her into giving my shaft long licks up and down while she played with my balls. Then I told her to put my testicles in her mouth while continuing to stroke my throbbing rod. McKenzie totally complied with all my requests. What a lovely sex partner fate had given me!

I could start to feel a stirring mounting in my testicles. I put my dick back into McKenzie’s warm mouth and I started thrusting. “Oh, yeah! I want to fuck that pretty mouth of yours before I let loose!” I declared lustfully. With perhaps ten seconds to spare I told Forrest I was going to come. His simple three-part advice was, “Pull out, aim, and fire!”

The quality of my ejaculation was on the same level that had so impressed Vicky Zimmerman five years earlier. There was a significant difference though: This time it smacked the female squarely in the face! It struck with such force that McKenzie initially recoiled. Afterward, I discovered that the area around my navel ended up with cum on it that had bounced off McKenzie’s forehead. I counted four long, thick, sticky white ropes hanging from McKenzie’s once attractive face, now making it a macabre mask of jism. (Frankly, I thought it was exceedingly attractive!) Unlike Arthur, there was no way I’d be told that I produced watery cum shots.

“Wow! That blowjob was fantastic, McKenzie,” I declared.

Forrest called “Cut!” to end the scene. He was obviously pleased by the outcome. Forrest agreed with my assessment of McKenzie and then heaped praise on me for my contribution. “That was easily the best cum shot of the seven I’ve seen so far. You two are the best couple of the seven as well.” McKenzie quickly asked permission to wash her face, which was granted.

Forrest, clearly delighted, asked me, “Young man, was that just a fluke, or can you ejaculate like that every time?”

I gave him an honest answer. “Sir, I can ejaculate that hard every time if I have at least 48 hours between orgasms. I can’t do it every single day, though. I wish I could, but I need a day off to recuperate and to reload my balls.”

“Hey, that frequency is absolutely okay with me and well worth the wait, Steve,” Forrest replied. “I can offer you steady employment and good pay. When can you start?”

“Forty-eight hours from now,” I quickly answered him. “Are you going to hire McKenzie, too? If so, I’d love to work with her frequently. Like you said, she’s adorable!”

Forrest stated, “I was probably going to hire her, but since you made that special request, I’ve gone from probably to definitely. Here she comes out of the washroom. I’ll tell her the good news.”

McKenzie was thrilled to get the news. She was also quite pleased that I had succeeded as well and had requested to work with her as often as possible.

“I do have one important question for you, Forrest,” she said. “In our first feature film, do I get to fuck Steve, too? I really wanted to do that today. Giving him oral sex was fine, but I wanted to have a sensual fuck with him. He’s really a nice guy.”

Before Forrest could answer her, I stated, “Now there’s a coincidence! I was going to say the same thing about you! I can’t wait for our first fuck together, McKenzie! I hope it will be the first of many!”

Forrest concurred that we’d be doing full sexual scenes for him from the get-go. He also had an important question for Melissa: “Would you like to earn an extra $100 today by giving blowjobs to all four males out in the queue who have no partner?”