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Dirty Little Secret (2)

2280 words | 5 |4.19

I have always been a dirty little secret. From age 6 up until my adulthood. It eventually stopped but the fantasies came next.

If I had any idea how many people would support my story, I probably would have been less nervous about posting in the first place. First I want to thank you all because I was literally scared. Shitless to even do this anonymously because of how consumed I feel with guilt, but you all have made me feel so much better.

I promise that I will continue my stories and that is what I’m about to do now I am going to tell you about my cousin and we are going to call him James. So James is only two years older than me. I have always been In his life. Growing up, he has always been my favorite cousin. I don’t even know what age to start at so I guess I will start also at six.

6 years old

My cousin James is a touchy subject. I believe out of all my sexual encounters and all the times I’ve been sexually abused or raped. His is what hurts the most now that I am an adult and I can look back on things. His may be the only one I also don’t get off on surprisingly. But I do encourage you to do so

My childhood honestly wasn’t the greatest. Materialistic wise, I got everything a little girl could ask for. My mother wasn’t in the picture and my father was a piece of shit even then, but I was still somehow a daddy’s girl. I said all that to say, I was beat a lot. I had an abusive aunt who I think took her anger out on me because she was forced to raise me, but that’s neither here or there.

My cousin will come to my grandparents house a lot which is why a lot of my earlier sexual experiences happened with him. I will give you two stories because the ones from 5-7 are pretty much repetitive.

James and I had always been two peas in a pod, but we also liked to play husband and wife. We did it the most at our grandma house hiding in the backyard. Our experiences varied from my experiences with Angel. We kissed a lot and would grope each other’s bodies. And I absolutely loved it. After all he was the first male to ever touch me.

There were times when we would be in the den and left to our own vices. At six and him being eight I would straddle his lap and grind myself onto his small penis. We had started off with our clothes on in case my abusive ass aunt popped in on us. He didn’t have to worry about getting in trouble. I was the one who had to deal with the consequences if we get caught (which happened a few times in all honesty).

But once we were comfortable taking our clothes off that’s when something would escalate. I don’t mean to be the bearer of bad news, but I wasn’t penetrated until I was 13 and it was by a guy of my choice in a church which will be a whole Nother story. But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t let him rub his dick on my cunt. Matter of fact, I absolutely loved it when we were naked and I was sit on his lab and I would rub my prepubescent vagina on his little dick. I would even go as far as trying to put his tip in. I was a virgin for so long not because of lack of trying but because he hadn’t been able to push himself into me. He also never gave me head and if he did it was a very few times. I did however get on my knees and suck him off a few times. He would kiss me afterwards and have me sit on his lap and settle himself between my slit while also grabbing my ass and hunching on me.

One time when we were at his mom’s house which was a very rare occurrence for me and we sat on his couch by a large fish-tank he had right next to his game room . We were in the perfect position to hear and see anyone coming. We would sneak touches and kisses. His hands would be in my pants and though I don’t have clear memories of him penetrating me with his fingers for the sake of the story I will say I grinded onto his hands. And I wont be surprised if the penetration was a repressed memory. And as I grinded my pussy on his fingers I would hold on to his dick and stroke it. He was a nice size to be such a young boy of 8.

When we got off the couch we went outside behind the shed and kissed each other with our hands removing each other’s clothes. The sexual touches of my childhood was the most physical affection I got and I think thats why I craved it. I craves the pleasure. I was 6 but I knew it was wrong and thats what made it more thrilling. After groping each other and rubbing each other’s private parts in the shed we got dressed and went in the house. We took our showers separately and got ready for bed. James had his own room and I slept in the room with his mom.

This particular night I somehow creeped out of her room. It took probably 20 minutes for me to make it 20feet out her door. I snuck into my cousin room and woke him up. We took off our clothes and started grinding on each other again. I dont know if she randomly woke up or heard us moaning but his mother came in the room, scoped out the scene and dragged me back to her room. I got my ass whooped and went to bed. That wasn’t our first or last time being sexualy with each other but we definitely tried to be more sneaky about it ij the future .

14 years old ( 3 months after my dad raped me for the first time. 2 months after my dad raped me for the second.)

I was 14 in this story and Im going to keep this part a bit short. This was the first time my cousin ever penetrated me. Now over the years I feel I must explain that I gree distant from him. He loved me both as a cousin and romantically and the older I got it made me feel sick. He’d always ask for dick pics. Ask to see pictures of my boobs, ny pussy and things like that. At some point I told him we had to stop, it wasn’t right, it made me uncomfortable. Maybe its because I felt dirty after my father. You’d think that after being molested all my life I’d have been more susceptible to it but at this point I had also had sex with my biological brother who I let manipulate me into sex. At 14 I was so stupid and I can laugh now but he’s ALSO another story for another day

Anyhoo, this particular day I was in our den which is like a dining room and a living room combined but it wasn’t the main living room. So we wouldn’t know anyone was coming unless they walked through the door. (Extremely fucking risky btw).

I had been planning on running away around this time because of the situation with my father that only got worse along with his need to know my every move mive(probably terrified of me telling what he did). My cousin had been making me palm his dick the entire day. He would take it out in the living room and start stroking himself, begging me to come suck it or touch him and I steadily refused.

He eventually would start touching me without my permission and I silently took it. I mean that’s what I felt I had to do. No one was coming to save me. No one would even blame him. I was the female, so itd be my fault. Maybe I had let it go on for so long he felt like he was obligated to my body. Which is how to all led to this day. He had been sitting on the couch in the Den when I had walked in.

“Come here,” he said motioning with his fingers for me to come while his other hand was rubbing his hardening length. He may not have did it for me but his dick was big and thick.

“No James, I dont want to,” I replied staying in place.

“Please, I promise this is the last time. I just want you to suck me one time.” I grinded my teeth because I heard those words almost verbatim before. I walked over to him and just stood in front of him. He grabbed my arm and atarted pulling me onto him while I tried to get away. My aunt ended uo walking in while he tried to pull on me. I panicked and hoped my eyes showed the fear coursing through my body. I would have taken a beaten that time. At least then they wouldn’t leave me alone with him. But I was past the age of beatings. She took one look between the both of us and said

“Imma let yall do yall” and walked away. She never protected me before if anything I needed protecting from her. I dont know why the fuck I expected her to save me this time. She left me in the hands of the guy who had been molesting me all my life and I knew no matter what I did I’d be at his mercy. So I quit the fight. I let him pull me onto him.

At 14 I was about 170-180lbs, 5’5, 38D breasts, and a nice tummy with minimum fat. Looking at me I looked older, my body seemed older, I was a man’s wet dream. Especially the men in my family. And some older men I talked to on kik (once again another story). But my cousin loved my body. He rubbed his hands all on me. He told me I was the only girl he had been with. I took his virginity, he took the last of the fight I had in me. He had dragged me out the house to the back yard in this little shed we had at my grandparents. We didn’t have a condom so I made him get plastic wrap. When he returned he carefully pulled down his pants and release his bog fat cock. He pushed my head down so I would get on my knees and I took him in my mouth. I only did it for a bit, I wasn’t into sucking dick then (even though now I fuck my own throat with my strap on and dildo. Crazy how shit changes)

I got up and he bent me over this dirty wood table only used to hold tools. He wrapped the plastic wrap around his oenis and slowly pushed in. It hurt, he was really big in his defense. But I clenched my teeth and took it until my body started to respond. Wetness pooled between my thighs as he fucked me. He would slowly take it out and push it in until I had loosened enough for him to start pounding me. Involuntary moans slipped from my lips and he groaned. He didnt know how to fuck that well but his size made uo for it. I gripped the table the harder he went until he throbbed and shuddered inside of me. When he pulled out he was still semi-hard. We hurriedly got dressed and I didnt say a word.

“Thank you cousin, I love you.” Thats what he said after as if I gave him an amazing gift. Maybe I had but it didnt feel like it. He left first and I walked out shortly after. Once again another man”s dirty little secret.

The end

– – –
Ahhhh so sorry its so long. Its the only story I have of us fucking because though he did try after I simply refused and he was too docile to try to actually rape me. Coercion was his thing. Maybe also because of other reasons.

I hope you like this story. I dont know which I should do next. The first time I was raped by my father? The story of the consensual sex between my brother and I? The story of how I lost my virginity at 13 to a 17 year old boy? The story of me being drugged and I wont say raped but unwillingly fucked and left stranded by a tinder date at 16? The story of a guy who took raped my ass for the first time (though that would be short cause I fought him off me. The only time I ever fought matter of fact? I have endless possibilities. Its like I said I’ve had a lot of sex in my life and a lot of it was unethical. But I honestly can’t wait to tell yall about my adult sex life, the kinky things I’ve done. The kinky things I do to myself. Uhhh.

Well let me know if you liked this and which story you’d like to hear next. Again thanks for the comments on my last story I could almost kiss each of your dick’s or pussies for how warm it made me feel. How encouraged I got. But as always this will always have to be our dirty little secret

– Cinnamon Buns

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  • Reply 🤬Hank ID:1dx7lc8y4ha3

    I fucked my older stepsister when I was 11 years old and every chance I had for two years . My mom and stepdad had been married and had two kids by this time when she moved in with us she was 14 built perfect and pretty and wild she had been putting out for a while I’m pretty sure . I really didn’t even know how to go about trying to anywhere with her and I definitely didn’t think I even had a chance with this hot body sexy girl that seemed to me way older then me but if I was around her a few minutes my cock was hard I had only heard my older cousins talk about sex and a bunch of there many bullshit made up fuck life how many girls they’ve had . So I knew a little bit about nothing but second hand lies . But I sure knew what I wanted to do to get rid of my consent chronic hard on . But any watch TV late at night and our house was like a deepfreeze all summer long we would be whatever we was going be sleeping in at night anyway a few accidents of bumping into her and how good she would feel was mind blowing just to accidentally touching a sexy tittie for one spit second then from that to playing under the covers on the couch watching tv late at night I remember the heat from her pussy was like an oven through her cut off jean shorts We had a half brother and sister that was maybe 3 and 4 years old . We had to babysit on weekends because our parents like going to bars and stayed out til the bars closed at 2:00 am every weekend. Put our sibling in bed around 8 pm that’s when we was alone and was naked ready to fuck for our first time Not her first time. But she felt so I must touch every inch of her body i still remember how hot and wet her pussy fills there’s nothing in my mind feels that good.or how good it made my cock fill I was a 13 when she moved back to her mom.. she moved back year later let me fuck one more time . Broke my heart got a boyfriend probably .a new one every week through highschool . But she always had the hottest horniest friends

  • Reply Joziah 17m ID:1b3z3i0qfi9

    Really a sad childhood and a terrible family. If that’s true, I’m sorry

  • Reply lil luver ID:1dy6464vekwf

    Hello cinnamon. I am finding reading your stories both arrousing and a little feeling of sadness for your childhood.
    Please continue your writings. I hope they are a catharsis for you and other.
    Maybe just follow your life’s path in its chronological order ?

    • Cinnamon Buns ID:uotzlndtyzw

      No need to feel sad, they’re experiences that shaped who I am today. And I love the woman I’ve become.

    • lil luver ID:1evqfqn88xxo

      And I’d love the woman you have become.