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Backstabbed

1245 words | 1 |4.11
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He knocked all the training right out of my head in the first hit.

I felt so confident, power walking back from the gym in a sports bra, and bike shorts. Practically marching to keep my heart rate up. Thinking how nice it would be to get out of this sweaty spandex, and into the shower. Maybe calling my boyfriend when a guy stopped me with a hand on my shoulder.

“You like to fight?” I already had my fists balled for the power walk, but I barely turned around, before he hit me.

“Guhn!” I fell down, and shook my head. “NO, AWM REEEH!” I tried to scream, but he covered my mouth before he even finished dragging me off the sidewalk. In broad daylight, right in front of cars driving by.

They didn’t even slow down, they didn’t even honk. I just flailed around helpless, until I felt his heels hook in between my thighs. BJJ, Brazilian Jui Jitsu. I’d taken that too, but the sucker punch left nothing of that training besides the realization of what kind of man this had to be.

MMA, Mixed Martial Arts. That, and the realization that it was too late. He was behind me, still behind me, I didn’t even get to see his face before he knocked my head back around, and I saw stars.

“NGH!” He pulled my sports bra up, and strangled me with it. He never let go of my mouth, just my shoulder, and stretched the spandex tight over my throat. “UGH!” I tried swinging my elbows behind me, but there was nothing to hit but my shoulders. My hips locked between his legs, I couldn’t even kick.

“SNH!” Air rushed in my nose, and the world spun around. Until I felt dirt, and grass on my cheek. My bare nipples in the dry grit, then his weight on my legs. Pinning me. “HELP! AWM!” I tried to shake my head, spit the spandex out, but it was too tight between my teeth. Pulling my cheeks back so hard it felt like they cut open in a Joker smile, but he got my shorts down, and then he was on top of me.

Pressing down with his full weight, I could breathe but just barely. “AWHuhuhuh!” Finding the hole the wrong hole. “NAWH!” Not like that, please not back there.

“Yeah bitch! Take it, take it up the ass. It hurts huh? Yeah it hurts.” Make that a sadistic MMA fighter, a coward, hate fucking me deep in my bowels, and even that. That hurt, of course, it fucking hurt, worse than anything except for giving birth, but somehow it cleared my head enough to think.

“Snh!” I took a deep breath, and held it. Pushing it out, or trying to shit him out like a misguided turd. It loosened me up, this isn’t my first time. I tried it, more than once. I’ve had plenty of dates that talked me into it, come on. Maybe this time it’ll be different, you just haven’t been with the right man, but I know what he wants.

He wants to hurt me, he wants me to scream, and the rushing traffic drowned out everything like rolling surf. That’s why he didn’t choke me out when he could have. Easily, he wants me awake for this. I can’t try to fight, and he can’t hurt me if I’m unconscious, I can’t suffer passed out, I wish he’d choked me out. He wants me to cry so he can drink my tears in smug satisfaction.

This isn’t sex, he hates me, and he wants to punish me for what? For being a woman, and thinking I can fight. “Ugh!” Don’t cry. “Ugh uhn nuh!” Don’t you fucking cry, you weak little girl, don’t you know this is just what he wants?

“HUH!” He pulled out. “Uh, fuck. Tight little bitch huh!”

“Ah, god. No, let me go, please. Just let me go, okay? Uh, I just want to be left alone.” I curled up. “Huh, I just want to be alone right now.” Like a baby.

He was gone, but I just hugged my knees, and babbled to myself. It was over, but I couldn’t thank god that it was over quick. It was too soon, too horrible, and as much as I hate to admit it, too close to my heart. I lived in fear, for so long, that I was vulnerable.

Weak, I couldn’t go out alone at night. Not without looking over my shoulder, in every corner, terrified that any moment, a man might jump out and grab me. Take me, lock me up in a trunk, tie me up in some basement dungeon, rape me over and over, torture me to death, and then dump the body in a dumpster like a piece of garbage.

I had a daughter, and of course I had to recover from that too. The pregnancy especially, so I started going to the gym more. Lifting more weights, then taking self defense classes. Mixed Martial Arts, I even thought about competing. I don’t want Candace to grow up, living in fear like I did, and for a little while there.

I actually felt good about myself. I felt confident, and unafraid for the first time in my life, and now this.

“Huh!” I pulled my shorts up first, then I sat up. Carefully, still a little sore, and I felt the lines burned around my neck. The wet slime running down my back, but I pulled the sports bra down, and lifted my breasts up, so they didn’t sweat underneath the creases. “Uh,” I looked around, but I spotted the sparling green case where it rolled off to the side. Down the hill, the screen wasn’t cracked, so I unlocked it.

[911 Call] “Uh!” My voice was rough, so I cleared my throat.

“Nine One One, what’s your emergency?”

“Yeah, I was just. I would like. Uh.” Why is this so difficult. “I have to report a rape.”

“I’ll collect you to the police, are you in any danger?”

“No, I don’t think so, he left. I never got a look at his face, but he left evidence on my body.” I shuddered in disgust, and gagged a little. “Fluids. Why didn’t I scratch him? I tried to bite his hand, but his arm was right there in front of me the whole time. I should have scratched him for DNA, but it all happened so fast, I.”

“Sex Crimes, this call is tagged sexual assault?”

I nodded and cleared my throat. “Rape, and sodomy. He sodomized me, oh god!”

“All right, try to take a deep breath, and tell me where you are?”

“I don’t know.” I looked back. “I must have been running alongside 83rd avenue, Southwest. Let me check.” I almost climbed up, but when I stood up, I realized that the bank was only. Well, a little shorter than my 5’3″ so I could easily look over it. “Yeah, between Kerry, and Lake.”

“Okay, I’m sending a car.”

“Don’t hang up! I mean, would it be okay, if I stay on the line, and just talk to me, okay?”

“Of course.” She sounded nice. “There’s a 2 woman unit, a little further away, if you can wait?”

“Yeah, that would probably be better, thanks.” I don’t know if I could talk to male cops, after. what happened. I thought I was so strong, I thought I could protect myself.

I just didn’t want to feel afraid any more.

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