My son got his penis stuck

Why do hormonal boys do such foolish things to satisfy their sexual needs. My 12 year old certainly does.

Do all boys enter their teenage years as complete idiots, I mean I know that puberty is hard for both boys and girls, but is it really necessary for boys to do stupid things in order to satisfy their sexual urges?

Allow me to tell you what happened to my son the other night and you can decide for yourself.

My son, Craig, has started going through puberty, I know this because over the last few months he’s been putting more of his dirty laundry in the basket, which is very uncharacteristic of him, underwear and socks mostly, spending longer in the bathroom in a morning and evening and his bed sheets have been rather, what’s the word, “Crusty”, recently when I’ve changed them.

I’m not even going to tell you what he’s been using his socks for, let’s just say he hasn’t been putting them over his feet and we’ll leave it at that.

Oh yes, he’s been jerking himself off, probably doing more whacking than Andy Murray at a tennis match, but that’s fine, he’s 12 years old and it’s perfectly normal and healthy for boys his age to be doing that.

Now, the other night I was enjoying a lovely relaxing evening, both Craig and my daughter Gemma were upstairs, and I was sitting with my feet up on the sofa, a lovely hot drink in my hand and my feet covered in a lounge blanket keeping warm while watching my soaps on television, then I hear my son’s low voice coming from upstairs, he didn’t sound happy, “Muuum.”.

“Yes, dear?” I asked.

“Can you come here please.” He replied.

So much for my relaxing evening, I threw off the blanket, placed my cup on the coffee table and headed to the foot of the stairs, when I got there he vanished out of sight, I guessed he wanted to me to go to him, so I walked up the stairs, told Gemma to turn her music down as I walked by her room, then as I got to Craig’s room he told me to come in and close the door, which I did.

He was sitting on his bed wrapped up in a towel, he looked like E.T. , you know the scene where he’s sitting in the bicycle basket, “What is it?” I asked, he stared at me with puppy-dog eyes, “I’ve done something stupid, Mum.” He mumbled.

My mothering instincts kicked in and I sat next to him on his bed and put my arm around his shoulders, “Ooh, what’s wrong, darling, what is it?” I asked.

He looked even more embarrassed and then hesitantly and slowly opened his towel and let it drop around him, I stood up in shock, “Wha – Craig, what is that – what have you done?” I asked, I was in complete disbelief, he had a shampoo bottle between his legs.

“I can’t get it off.” He said.

I stared at it some more and then I couldn’t help it, I burst in to uncontrollable laughter.

“Mum! – it’s not funny. I need help. It won’t come off.” He shouted.

He’d been taking a bath and after shampooing his hair, using the last of the shampoo, for some stupid reason he thought it would be a good idea to stick his penis in to the hole of the bottle, I’m assuming he was trying to have sex with hit, when he got an erection his penis grew too wide for the hole and he was now sitting on his bed with an empty 500ml shampoo bottle quite literally stuck to his penis.

I got pains in my stomach and sides from laughing so hard, but I knew this was both embarrassing for him and extremely serious, so I calmed myself down and examined the bottle, I reached out and held it with both hands and gave it a pull, “Argh! – Mum!” he cried, that didn’t work, I tried again but it still didn’t budge, time for plan B.

“Gemma.” I yelled, calling for my daughter.

“Mum – what the hell. No.” he protested, quickly grabbing the towel and covering himself.

“Oh, stop fussing. She’s your sister.” I said, then Gemma appeared in the doorway, “Gemma, go downstairs in to the kitchen and bring me up the Olive Oil bottle.” I told her.

A couple of minutes later she came back and handed me the bottle, she wanted to know what was going on, Craig didn’t want her to see but I pulled off his towel anyway, time was of the essence, Gemma cried with laughter and refused to leave, so I just got on with it, I poured Olive Oil around his penis as close to the cap as I could, then we tried to pull the bottle off again, but it still wouldn’t budge, “Wow, it’s really wedged on there.” I said.

“Craig, do you have to do that.” I said, after seeing the bottle bouncing up and down, he was flexing his penis inside the bottle.

“I can’t help it.” He replied.

I raced downstairs and came back a few minutes later brandishing the small saw in my hand, “I’m going to have to cut the bottle.” I said as I approached him, “Fuck – that.” He shouted and started running around the room.

Gemma and I chased him around the bedroom and eventually caught him and sat him back on the bed, while Gemma held him in place, I began to saw about an inch off the bottle, the bottle was about 8 inches long and so I just guessed his erection wouldn’t be that big yet, luckily I was right, I finished my sawing at the top dropped on to the floor.

I finally got my first look inside the bottle, “What is it, Mum?” he asked, his penis looked a bit purple and very swollen, I poured some Olive Oil in to the bottle, “Right, rub it all over.” I said to him, he put his hand in the bottle and covered his penis in the oil, “Okay, done.” He announced, then we tried to pull the bottle off again, it twisted around but still wouldn’t budge.

I shook my head, “No. Your penis is too swollen, its’ not going to fit back out of the bottle top.” I said.

“Can’t he just beat off? It’ll shrink won’t it when he comes.” said Gemma.

“Worth a try. You can reach it now, go on, do your thing, love.” I said to him.

He looked at us both with horror, “Not with you two here.” He replied.

“Oh, for crying out loud.” I said, then I rolled up my shirt sleeves, “Who’d be a mother.” I said, then I put my hand down the bottle and started tugging on his penis, he was my son, it was fine, but my hand was quite large and it kept getting stuck on the edges, “Gemma, you’ve got tiny hands, you’re going to have to do this.” I said.

To my surprise she was very eager and jumped at the change, she leaped off the bed and on to the floor.

“No! – Gemma – don’t.” he protested, but it was too late, she already had her hand in the bottle and was tugging away on his penis.

I sat on the bed beside him again with my arm back around him, comforting him and stroking his hair, “Don’t worry, love, we’ll have it out of there in no time.” I said, he was already starting to breathe heavy and groan slightly, “Think happy thoughts.” I added.

“You’ve got a fucking big dick, Craig.” She said.

“Gemma! – watch your language.” I yelled, telling her off, “Just behave and keep tugging it.” I added.

He started to sweat and then thrust his hips forward, “I think he’s coming, Mum.” Gemma announced and tugged really hard, he groaned and groaned and then cried out, “Ungh!”, he finally ejaculated and Gemma really should have moved, but she didn’t, and got his come all over her hand and her pyjama’s.

“Eeer – it’s all sticky.” She moaned.

“Well done, love.” I said, I got on the floor with her and look in to the bottle, “Right, it looks like its shrinking a bit, let’s give this another try.” I said, I held the bottle, twisted it gently while pulling and after a while it slowly began to slide off his penis, and then it finally came off.

His poor penis had a red ring around it where the bottle top hole had been, “Don’t worry, it’ll be alright now.” I said, and I gave him a kiss on the forehead as he covered himself with the towel again.

Gemma and I left him alone and went back to doing what we were doing.

So, now that you know what happened, can someone please explain to me why boys do foolish things like this?

Does everything with a hole, even inanimate objects, get you thinking about sex.

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