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PAMN

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There’s bad role models, and then there’s the worst.

I guess I thought she was lucky. Aubrey, the lady that moved into the house behind us, with her husband. She got a hot-tub, and then when it got cold, he put up windows around the porch, so they could use it year round.

Well, they sure liked to go out there, and even had friends over, for wild parties, and a lot of action, in and out of that hot tub. I had the best view, out my window, but then I caught my brother in my room. With his pants down, bent over the bed, and at first I thought that he’d gotten into my underwear.

I had this friend, with a pervy little brother, that kept peeping at her changing, and sniffing her underwear in the laundry. Never mind about them, but sure enough, he was just looking out the window, watching the couple on the porch, but I kicked them out.

By then, he had her top pulled out of the way, and her tit in his hand. His swim trunks down, and his dick in her mouth, but they always went inside to finish. “Huh!” I spent many a night, in bed, watching through the window, and making up the rest of the story when they went inside.

I wanted a boyfriend like that. A hot-tub, to soak in when I got home, and wait for him. They both worked, but she got home before him, most days. He knew to come right back to the porch, that she’d be there in the hot tub, and take off her bikini to foreplay. Then go inside to finish screwing her in their bed.

I guess, and then she got pregnant. Had kids, and I went over there to babysit. Not just to make a little extra money, but also just to be there, and use their hot-tub. I also kinda hoped that her husband would want to, well there’s no other way to put this:

Cheat on his wife, with the baby sitter, but he never did. He just came home, with me waiting for him in the hot-tub, and his kids in bed. She started working nights, pretty much ever since they started having kids, and she was done with maternity leave. So, their schedules overlapped, mostly.

There were always a couple days where they both worked. So, they needed a sitter to put the kids to bed, and read them stories, but then I had the house pretty much to myself. To put on my bathing suit, and wait for him to get home. I even started taking it off, so I was naked, but when I stood up, he just looked away, and handed me a towel.

I said I was sorry, and I wasn’t trying to seduce him, but he just payed me for the week, and never asked me over again. “Huh!”

That just made me love him more, or want a man like him, that’s so faithful, knowing he would never cheat on me. Even with a young girl, naked in front of him, and willing to do anything he wanted. I would have, done anything, just to feel his nice muscular body, his arms around me, my head on his chest, and smell his sweat. Hear his heart beating, and of course.

All the other stuff, he would do, if he were mine. I guess I let my brother come in, and whack off. After I caught him at it, and kicked him out. I was a little relieved that he had the hots for her, even after 3 kids, she always bounced right back, and I got some good advice for getting into shape. At least he wasn’t sniffing my underwear, or at least that’s what I told myself.

She went running, and I started running with her. Talking about fitness, and stuff. Situps, and crunches, Step Aerobics was the big thing. So then she got a stair climber, also on the back porch.

My brother sure liked to watch her on that, since it was faced away from us. So, he could watch her butt, in those tight black spandex shorts she wore for working out. Usually sweats, or cutoffs to go running, but she was well aware of all the men in the neighborhood. Flattered by all the looks she got, and waved back, when their wives weren’t around.

She was faithful too, or at least she never admitted to cheating on him, to me. “Yeah, if I had a man like that, I wouldn’t cheat on him, either.”

Which is how she decided to tell me that, she knew. She asked him why he didn’t want me babysitting for them any more, and she was a little worried that I’d done something wrong with them.

“Like what?”

“I don’t know, let them get away with something, they shouldn’t have done, or covering for them. I was thinking like stealing, or shoplifting, since I went through a bit of a klepto phase, when I was young. Huh, I thought they were cool, the bad girls, and they’d let me hang out with them, if I stole something to impress them.”

“What happened?”

“Nothing, we didn’t get caught, they just. Didn’t hang out with me after that once. So, I swore never to steal again. I did, a couple more times, but it didn’t feel the same, so I guess I outgrew it.”

“Oh.”

“I hope you got over your childish crush on him, too.”

“Huh, yeah.” I just gave up, trying to tempt him away from her, because he didn’t want me. So, I started working out with her, to try and be a little more like her. Fit, and healthy too. It’s worth it just to be healthy, and I never even started smoking like they do.

I know, it’s hypocritical. Being so careful to stay in shape, and eating healthy, only to get out a pack, and smoke when you get home from a run, but working nights, she had all day to sleep in, and take care of the house, before the kids came home from school.

Then, Levi. That’s my brother, it’s really Oliver, but for a while there, he started wearing Levi jeans, so his friends called him Levi. So anyway, he started working out, and got some buddies to work out with. Just like her husband, he was in really good shape, so a good role-model for him, too. Except for smoking, he started smoking to look cool, and wearing a leather jacket.

He wasn’t really a bad boy, but you know. He acted like a bad boy, because some girls are into them, and I guess it payed off, eventually. He started going out with this one girl, and then another. Then the first one broke up with him, when she found out about it. His new girlfriend had sex with him, though. Then, he cheated on her too.

She came to me, all broken up, and crying, when I didn’t even know, he must have taken her out when I wasn’t looking, but she didn’t believe me when she asked me. “How could you, why didn’t you tell me?”

“Well, I didn’t know, and what did you think, he’d cheat on his girlfriend with you, then stay faithful?”

I felt bad about saying that. The last thing I said to her before she left, and never came back. She killed herself, a few months later, and yeah everyone knew that she’d been depressed lately, but I guess that I was the only one that realized that she started drinking underage, and sleeping around to make him jealous, because she heard that he cheated on her.

He didn’t get another girlfriend after that, but by then I was a freshman in high school, and since I was his sister, I got to hear all of the girl’s room talk. Some of it was true, he didn’t have AIDS, Herpes, Syphilis, nor Gonhorrea. He got crabs once, and had to shave off everything, so the lice had nowhere to hide, but that cleared up, eventually.

This was back before we found out that HPV could give you cancer, and it was just considered Genital Warts. More of a nuisance than Herpes, because those hurt, like cold sores. So, anyway, I told him that’s why he couldn’t get laid any more. All the girls at school knew that he would only cheat on them, and whoever heard he got crabs, the rumor kinda blew into every STD in the book, so nobody wanted to sleep with him.

He finally went off to college, to start all over with college girls. That hadn’t heard about him sleeping around in high school. Before that, he had more time for working out, and saved up to buy weights. A lot of weights, he set up in the back yard, until he had quite a collection. He’d have the boys over, to lift weights with him, and I got to spend a lot of time, up in my room.

Watching them get pumped up, and flexing. In the mirror he got from a dumpster behind a dance studio that shut down. They turned it into a retail store, but he was working day labor, so he was there when they cleaned it out. That included the 1 big plastic mirror they had, that didn’t get broken when they tore them off the walls.

They set that up against the back fence, so they could watch what they’re doing, then get up, and flex. See the results, and also show them off to me. Yet again, I had the best view from up in my room. My bed right up against the window, only now I didn’t have to change the sheets, whenever he pumped his nuts out onto the side of the bed. Bent over it, and watching our neighbors make out in the hot tub.

I didn’t really have a favorite, to me they were all boys. Older boys, juniors and seniors, but I even had the girls over. To watch them on the bed with me, turned sideways, with our feet up in the air, and talking about who we wanted.

To fuck, marry, and kill, that sort of thing, most of them said they’d kill my brother. They joked about it, since they all heard he was damaged goods. Even though I cleared up that whole misunderstanding about the crabs, being every STD in the book. We had Sex Ed, as part of health class, so I guess part of that came from when Chlamydia and Gonorrhea were vocabulary words, you had to remember how to spell for the test at the end of the year.

Of course, they joked about killing them, and none of them actually had any plan on how, they would actually kill someone, then get away with it. That was just part of the game, you had to pick someone, and of course he was there. He lived there, and it was his weight bench they were using, but you don’t want to fuck him, because he’s probably got some disease to give you, and if you married him, you know he’d be cheating on you the whole time, because that’s what he did.

I love him, he’s my brother, but I know him too. I can’t tell you that he’ll ever learn his lesson, and stop cheating on women. He even told me, it’s more exciting, when he’s got a girlfriend. They’ve been together long enough to start getting boring, in bed, and it’s a thrill sleeping with someone else, then going back to her, knowing she has no idea, and he gets away with it.

Until he gets caught again. He always gets caught, he just never learned his lesson. Couldn’t quit smoking, either, but that’s how I got my first boyfriend.

It was a cold rainy day, and Aubrey’s day off. I don’t remember if it was a Tuesday, or a Wednesday, but she sent her kids off in their raincoats to go play with their friends. So, she could go back to her home gym, and work out on the porch.

My brother had his friends over, but it was a little too cold, and wet to work out in the back yard. They came in, instead to play Playstation in his room. Then, most of them went down to the back porch to smoke, but not Gary. He didn’t smoke, but that’s really the 1 reason why I said I liked him. His sister heard, and told him about FMK.

Since I always said, I’d fuck whoever I married, and I never wanted to kill anyone. I even confided in her, how guilty I felt about. That girl, even though I stopped blaming myself for what I said to her. It was the truth, and she just blamed me, because she didn’t want to face facts. She should have known that he would cheat on her, just like he cheated on his first girlfriend with her.

So, then Max got home, and came out on the porch with her. She got off the Nautilus machine, so he could sit down, once he got his shirt off. Then, she got undressed to get in the hot-tub, and watch him do butterflies in his tank top.

I knew what was going to happen next, but honestly, I’d gotten bored with playing with myself, watching them. I wasn’t even jealous of her any more, we worked that all out years ago, I was just lonely. So, I went across the hall, and said “Come quick, they’re doing it again.”

Gary paused it, I don’t know. Some driving game, but I couldn’t tell you whether it was Burnout, or Need for Speed. One of those, it wasn’t Twisted Metal. “Who, what?” He looked back. “Oh, he’s downstairs.”

I grabbed his hand, “Yeah, probably smoking with his friends. Come on,” I dragged him across the hall to my room, and shut the door. “Look,” I pointed out the window, and for the first time. I felt that thrill, I guess Harry got when he cheated on his girlfriend, then went back to her, to fuck her knowing he got away with it. Or Aubrey, shoplifting when she was younger than me, now. She said about my age, but that was a couple years ago.

“Huh?” He sat down, on the end of the bed, but turned around. He didn’t look back, and even through the rain. The steam fogging up the windows on their porch. You could see her, on his lap naked, and grinding his crotch, with his pants wet. Fresh out of the hot tub. “What are you showing me this for?”

“He never told you about that?”

“What?”

“They do that all the time. They work out together, then cool off in the hot tub, until they get horny, and then they go in to make love.”

“No, he never mentioned it, but. That doesn’t answer the question of why you brought me in here to show me.”

“Huh, well.” I finally got up the nerve to go over there. “I was hoping maybe it would turn you on.” Sat in his lap, and wrapped my arms around his head, to feel his hair.

“Oh, I heard you’re saving yourself, until you got married.” But he kissed me. Real quick, but he wrapped his arms around me, and felt my back.

“Sh,” the boys came up the stairs, laughing, and joking, but then they went in my brother’s room, and just started playing again. I bit my lip, and let my finger run down his chin. “Huh, no.” I kissed his ear, “Maybe I wanted to, but now I can’t wait.” I kissed his neck, and licked it, just to taste his sweat. “Huh, I need a man, now, but not if he’s going to settle for a one night stand, and leave me when he gets what he wants.”

“No,” he kept his voice down, “I’d never do that to you, and I’d never cheat on you either. Ask my sister.”

“I don’t want to ask your sister, huh. I want you to kiss me again. Huh! Hahl!” I licked his lips, so he’d open his mouth too, and let our breaths mix together. Playing with each other’s tongues, and he let his hand slide down my back. To my hip, while his other arm held me close, and I pushed my fingers up his sleeve.

To feel his bicep, while his hand roamed around my lap. Down one leg to my knee, then up the other, to slip my dress up my thigh, and feel the inside. I spread them, encouraging to feel between them, but he pulled my shoulder back, and broke the kiss. Turned around, and lay me back, gently on my bed.

“Oh, huh!” I bit my lip, glancing excitedly over at the door. Where the sound of cars crashing together was loud enough to hear. They didn’t even think to wonder where he went, if he took off, or took advantage of them leaving him alone. To come over to my room, and breathe on my neck, burying his face in my shoulder, and smelling my hair.

I had to wiggle back, and forth when his hands pushed up my dress, so it could slip up under the seat of my panties, which were really getting hot, and muggy. “Huh, yes. Oh!” I turned over, when he got to my bra, and pulled the dress off over my head. He had to stand up, but then he pulled the back strap tight, and unhooked it in both hands.

“Hahn!” Then it hung loose, and slipped off my shoulders. Then his hands felt down my sides, his fingertips between my ribs to feel them spread apart, gasping breathlessly, and then he felt my breasts. “Huh!” I went down on my elbows, so I didn’t fall down flat on the bed, but I picked up my pillow to moan into.

I felt his weight on the bed behind me, and then his hard penis against my bottom. He bent over, kissing my shoulder, and breathing on my back. then he let go of one breast, and felt across to hug my ribs. Cradling one side in his arm, and squeezing the other in his hand, while he felt down my panting tummy, and rubbed my pubes through the crotch of my underwear.

“Tagh dem ob! Huh!” I dropped the pillow, and gasped in a breath of fresh air. Laden with the scents of our sweat, heavy with our lust, and tried to keep my voice down. “Huh, take them off, too?” I turned over to look up at him, and let my eyes slowly look down his body.

His bear chest, he wasn’t that hairy yet, but he had been working out, and I remember how skinny he looked, when he first started coming over. Watching him grow, bigger, and stronger, broader in the shoulders, and his tummy rippled, flexing with his breath.

“Oh, you brought a rubber.”

“Of course.” He must have put it on, when I wasn’t looking, but it bounced around when he put his leg down beside the bed. Helped me pull my panties off, like I told them, and slip them up my legs. He took a deep breath, through his nose, and closed his eyes, with a big grin on his handsome face.

So, I grinned, and pinched my panties with my toes. “I bet you can really smell it on my panties.”

“Hey,” my brother knocked, “Who are you talking to in there?”

“Sh!” He just opened the door.

“Uh, don’t come in here, get out!” Then I saw his friends crowded around him in the hall, to look at me naked. “Huh! Close the door!” I manage to mostly cover myself, with my arms, but then Gary pulled up the quilt to throw over me.

“You son of a bitch.”

“Don’t touch me, you homo! Let me grab my pants, at least.”

“And don’t you guys look at her, show’s over.” He pushed them back, but I just curled up, afraid to turn back, and see them looking at me. Wrapping the quilt even tighter, but the farthest thing from feeling snuggly.

“Get out of there.”

“I said don’t touch me!”

“Well you got your pants on now. Guys, help me throw this sick fucker out.” They slammed the door, and then I heard them struggling. Something hit the door, and then the walls from them all fighting in the narrow hallway.

“Uh!” I got up, and held the blanket over me, but by the time I got to the door, and looked out, they were already carrying him down the stairs.

“No! Guys, at least give him his shirt back, it’s cold out there!”

“He should have thought of that before he. And how long have you been nailing my little sister?”

“I haven’t been nailing her, let me go, god damn it.”

“Here,” I threw the shirt down the hall, and just hid behind the doorway. Holding the quilt closed over my chest, and the doorknob, in case any of them turned around, and came this way. I pushed the lock in, like I should have when I got him in my room, but I knew we should have kept our voices down, and now it had all gone to hell.

“Don’t give me that bullshit, you brought a rubber, and everything?”

“Yeah, it’s my lucky rubber, you know that.” Apparently he showed them it, some other time. He carried it around for months, just in case he got lucky, but then they threw him out. So, I slammed the door, and slid down to cry on the floor. Knowing that they could break it down if they wanted to, and carry me out, even my big brother couldn’t stop them, but they didn’t.

They all left, and gave him a ride home. A bunch of high 5s, and asked him all about how he did what none of them could ever do. He got invited into my room, and this close to nailing me, when of course, they’d all been coming over for years, to show off in the back yard, knowing full well I was watching, because they could see me in the window.

In the mirror, they had leaned up against the back fence, so they could watch me. Watching them pose, and flex with my hand in my crotch, and my fingers pumping in, and out of my sex. That sure ruined the hell out of the mood, and then my brother came back, to beat on the door, and yell at me through it. I didn’t let him in, but I couldn’t get away either.

I was feeling bad enough as it is, but he said all the stuff, all the horrible things I expected him too, because I’d heard them say it about other girls. Even the girls that fucked him, so the last thing I ever wanted was to become a slut, and a whore like them. Well, finally, I had enough, and I got up to scream right back at him.

“No! You’re the slut!”

“I can’t be a slut, I’m a man.”

“Well, what do you call somebody that sleeps around, with anyone that’ll hold still long enough for you to get your hands on them, and gets crabs from that trailer skank Becky?”

“That still doesn’t make me a slut.”

“No? Well, you already burned through 3 girlfriends before you were my age, and you’re just as bad, or even worse, and that’s why you can’t get laid, because every girl in school knows it!”

“What did you tell them?”

“Nothing, they didn’t already know by the time I got there! What? You didn’t know that they talked about you, after you used them up, and moved onto the next piece of ass? You used them, until you used up every girl that felt shitty enough about herself to get in your car, and that’s why Karen killed herself. You MURDERER!”

“I didn’t kill anyone.”

“No, you just took advantage of a girl, that already felt like shit, and made her feel even worse until she drank a bottle of schnapps with a side of her grandad’s Lortabs so she’d pass out, and drown in the bathtub.”

“Uh, gnogh!”

“Are you crying?”

“Gnough, leabe me aloagn!” He finally crawled across the hall, to cry in his room, and by the time I put some clothes on, he had the door closed.

I heard him, sniffing in there though.

“Huh!” I swear, I felt sorry for him? Why, when I didn’t say anything that wasn’t true, but I guess I kept it bottled up so long that when it came out, I said it in the worst possible way, so I thought maybe he might. Kill himself too, and that would be all my fault.

“Go away.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Well, leave me alone.”

“Huh!” I shook my head, when I realized the irony, of him saying that, when just now he forced me to scream at him, because he wouldn’t leave me alone, with my boyfriend.

So, I didn’t know what to say, or do. Other than to slump down, and sit on the floor. Listening at the door, for any sound that might think he was doing something suicidal, until dad got home. I would have even gone, and cried with him, if he just let me in.

He didn’t of course. I was out of my mind, with anger, and frustration, sadness, and guilt, but when I finally got a chance to think about it, rationally. Of course, he’s not the type, to kill himself. Honestly, he thinks too much of himself, and it’s the people with low self esteem that finally stop beating around the bush to end it all.

He’s a narcissist, and I have to love him. He’s family, but I had to face the truth eventually. He’s a total self absorbed narcissist, and that’s why he treats women like disposable pieces of trash.

He doesn’t care about their feelings. Any of them, he only cares about himself.

;

Author

More specifically, a Power Assertive Malignant Narcissist, (PAMN for short) but you may know them by other names, like Megalomaniac, or “Alpha Male.” Unfortunately lot of them go undiagnosed, and only get profiled if they escalate to serial rape, or sexually motivated murders. Shooting Sprees.

Since that’s the way boys are told to act, by other Power Assertive Malignant Narcissists. “Be a man,” or “Chicks dig confidence.” Don’t be so emotional like a girl, or talk about your feelings. That’s “Gay.”

Or, they may become President. There’s been at least 3 of them, that I know about. (From both political parties.) It’s only really weird if I write about girls that act like that.

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