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Breasts of Fresh Air

2309 words | 2 |3.25

There’s a lot going on in this one, so the narrator shifts each chapter. For everyone to tell their side of the story…

Alf (Guys Talk)

“Check it out,” pulled over the boys, and nodded my head. “They’re doing it again. Don’t point, and try to keep your heads down.”

“Global Warming, am I right?”

Vanessa pulled her shirt up, and dried under her bra. I guessed, I mean, you couldn’t see that, but then when she pulled it down. It sure looked like the cups were off. Until she shook them back in place, which just got the boys.

All right, I’m looking too, but. “Come on, play it cool, guys. Sheesh.” I shouldn’t have even clued them in.

“Well, why do they keep looking over here, if they don’t want us to look?”

“Well, there’s also the teachers, idiot. You want to run and tell them yourself?”


“It really shouldn’t be in the 70s, in February, though. You think?”

“Hell, I don’t know, but why don’t you go ask them?” I pushed him.

“All right, I think I will.”


“Hey, you think it’ll work?”

“Yeah, if he wants to get slapped in the face, talking to them about their breasts is probably a good way to do it.”

“Well, he’s probably just talking about the weather, how much you wanna bet?”

“Huh! Nobody’s stupid enough to bet against him.” That’s all he talks about lately.

“Well, 5 bucks says he gets shot down.”

“Yeah, what are the odds he gets a date?”

“I’d say 10-to-1, he gets shot down.” I took the bill, and pocketed it for safe keeping.

“So, I get fifty bucks if he goes out with one? Deal. I bet at least one of them cares about the environment, and if he plays his cards right, he can talk about the poor endangered animals.”

“No, don’t just grab your crotch, right in front of them.” I shook my head.

“Pay up, you owe me 50 bucks!”

“Not yet.” I don’t have it on me, “Give him a chance.”

“They’re laughing at him, and here he comes.”

“No wait, one of them’s going after him!”

“Well,” I fished a couple quarters out of my pocket, “Let’s hear what he has to say, first.”

He finally came back, but the grin on his face looked, like easy money for me.

“So, you get a date?”

“No, not yet.”

“Pay up!”

“You bet against me?” They started pushing, and shoving back and forth.

“Guys, guys. Break it up, not in front of the girls.” I got his fiver out too, and wrapped it around the quarters. “Here.”

“You said 10 to one!”

“Well, you can call the better business beauro from the payphones over there. I don’t have it on me, but I’ll pay you back tomorrow.”

“So, you don’t have a steady girlfriend yet, huh?”

“Nothing serious, why?”

“Because I might have told one that you’d give her a ride home, if she met you over at the car.”

“Huh, which one?”

“Was it Stephanie?”

“Yeah, I bet it was, she’s always looking at him.”

“Well, how do you know she’s looking at him, and not me?”

“Guys, guys. Come on, you better make up your minds before we find out, this time.”

“And you don’t get to make any bets this time.”

“And no changing the odds, neither. That’s how you always win, by cheating.”

“I told you, I’d go get your money tomorrow.”

“Well, 5 bucks says it’s Stephanie.”

“You’re on!”

“I bet he gets to first base, at least.”

“How much?”

“Hey man.” I patted him on his shoulder. “I really appreciate you putting in a good word with the girls for me. Thanks.”



“Uh! What do you want?” That creepy little shrimp.

“Global warming, huh?” He looked around, “Who knew it would get up into the seventies, in February?”

“Uh, anyone that checked the weather channel this morning?”

He shook his head, “No, they said 68.”


“It gets pretty sweaty for us, guys too.”

“Boy, no you didn’t just grab your shit like a gangsta.” Whitney snapped, and shook her finger back and forth tin front of him.

“Uh, no?” He backed up.

“You ain’t gangster, you ain’t shit, and you tell that Alfred.”

“Well, his name’s Alf, not Alfred.” He stood up to her, as if his balls just dropped right then.

“And what’s Alf short for?”

“Nothing, just Alf. You ever seen that old 80s show, Alf? Or Small Wonder?”

“Hey Whitney, hold uh. On a minute. He’s really named after that, creepy puppet from the 80s, and he owned it?” I mean, come on, he could just say Al, for short, but no. He lets people call him that, to his face? “Jesus, you’d think that being named after that girl on A Different World, you’d at least have a little sympathy?”

“Mhn?” She scared him off.

“Hey, hold up. Short stack, waitaminute. What’s this Small Wonder show youis talking about, I never hearda that.”

“Well, I never saw it, neither, but it’s just like that.” He pointed at me, “ALF show, but before that, instead of an Alien, she was a little robot girl.” He looked back, and shrugged. “It’s his favorite show.”

“Well, maybe he can give me a ride home, sometime, and show me it.”




“See?” Steph pouted again. “Now you scared him off, again.”

“Whatchu see in that little eco-nerd anyways?”

“I don’t, but what do you see in Alfie, then?”

“Well, he got a car, for one.”

She scoffed. “Yeah, an old beat up station wagon.”

“Well, it’s still a car, and he always got money.”

“Gold digger.”

“Yeah, and it’s not even blue.”

“So? Who cares what color it is?”

“Well, you’d think that his dad’d buy a blue Topaz.”

“Uh?” she got it. “Stupid.” Whitney laughed though, she just shook her head. “Damn you nerdy!”

“So? That just means I’m smart.”

“Well, boys don’t care about you getting good grades. All they care about is her Ds.”

“Uh, there not Ds?” I buttoned up my blouse, as soon as I finished letting all the hot air out. “And what kinda ebony girl’s jealous of a white girl’s.”

“As if! Jealous.” She scoffed. “Please.”

“Oh, Alfie! Why don’t you give me a ride in your big car, and show me your small wonder some time!”

“Hey, you shut up!”

“Or what?”

“Or somebody’s gonna shut your smart mouth up for you, eventually.”

“Girls, uh! Can you keep a lookout for me? Just be a minute.” I backed up, between the buildings. Well, they call them wings, but really they’re just 2 different buildings, with a walkway they covered over, for some reason.

“Ph! Global Warming.” At least that left a little alley where I could pop a squat, when year before last, I’d just run in the doors, and use the girl’s room in the Science Building.

“Huh!” I shivered a little, when it came out, and seemed to drain all the heat out of my body at the same time, but there was a little cold air coming out from under the walkway, and I barely got my underwear back up, before I saw the shadow.

Over the shadow of the roof, he jumped, and landed on me. “WUGH! Ugh!”

“Hhuh, yeah, you slut. Is this what you want?”

“Nh?” I tried to say no, stop, anything with the wind knocked out of me, but I could barely squeak. Then, he got his hands up under me, and started crushing my bra. “Uh, nh! Uh!” It took a while to even take a breath, so he somehow got my skirt up, and pushed my panties into my but crack. Humping me.

“Hhuh, yeah. I knew you wanted it, shaking your tits, and ass in front of everyone. Take it, take it like the cheap whore you are, uh. Huh!”

“Auh, huuhhHH!” I finally got a deep breath. “AIGH! Get off, get of of me, let me go, RAPE!” No wait, “Fire! Fire!”

“Uh!’ I think he hit me with his elbow.

“Guhn!” I don’t know where he went, or if I passed out, but then I heard the girls running up, and saw their shoes. Rubbing my head, and wincing at the lump starting to swell under my hair.

“OHMYGOD, Ness, are you all right?”

“No? Do I look all right? Stop, sow down, just stop, stop!” I can’t hear myself think with them all talking ad once, “Uh, my head, it’s killing me.”

“Did he hit you?”

“Yeah, huh! Uh huh! Whuhuhuh?”

“Oh! It’s over, he’s gone, and. He got away. Did you see him?”

“No, he jumped me from behind, and held my face down in the dirt. I couldn’t breathe, and then I finally caught my breath, enough to scream.”

“He raped you?”

“No, uh! Huh, no. He tried to, but. He just humped me, and groped me, and huh! Uh uh! Nyhm?”

“Well, he got some on your skirt.”

“Yeah, I saw it when you sat up.”

“It’s probably all full of dirt now.”

“Huh, what?” I pulled my skirt up, then crossed my legs, and hugged them when I saw what they’re talking about.

“We better get that to the cops, to see if they can get his DNA out of it.”

“No, I don’t want to talk to the cops. I don’t want to talk to anybody, and Whitney. Huh? Where’s Whintey?”

“Oh, she got a ride, but don’t worry about her. If he tries anything, she’ll probably rip his face off.”

“Yeah, huh. If he wants a little robot girl, he’s got another thing coming.”

“Huh, shut up!”


“Oh sorry.”

“Can somebody call her, and ask her if she can talk to her gangster cousins?”

“Oh yeah. Good idea.”

“Tell them that if they find him, huh. They better fuck him up, and cut his dick and balls off, and his fingers too, so he never gets a chance to make anyone else feel like this ever again.”

“Who should I say?”

“Huh? I don’t know? Just some boy, just cancel that, don’t even send it. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“Well, it can’t be Alfie.”

“Yeah, and it can’t be Wes.”

“Well, that just leaves every other boy in school that ever wanted to get his hands on her boobs.”

“Ugh, hrulgh!” I hurled, but at least I had them there, to hold my hair. Even if they couldn’t be depended on to keep a lookout while I popped a squat, but what did you think would happen? If you kept shaking your tits and ass, you know that you’d get attention from the boys doing that. “Cough! Spt.”

They patted my back. “Is that it?”

“huh, yeah. I think so.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I said that, I wasn’t thinking.”

“Huh, it’s all right, I’m fine, just help me up, I just want to go home, and die now.”

“Oh, don’t say that.”

“You just need a nice shower, or a bath.”

“Yeah, you’ve got barf, and piss all over you.”


“Mhn!” She shook her head. “Sorry?”

“At least she didn’t say.”


“Uh! Sorry, I’m sorry.”

“Can’t you see she’s traumatized? Go get the car.”



“Huh!” Who would have guessed it would be Whitney? Nobody, so when I ran to get her. Well, I forgot to tell her to meet him at his car, but she looked so nervous. I never seen her look so nervous before in my life.

“Do I look okay? How’s my hair?”

“You look fine. I didn’t mean fine as in. You know. Great, you look just terrific, don’t worry.”

What do I know about talking to girls? Let alone an African American one, who’s nervous about going out with Alf. “You don’t have to be nervous, just be yourself. You’re so confident, and boys like that, too.”


“Yeah, isn’t that what you like about him?”


“Uh, if you don’t mind me asking, well I don’t have any African American friends, but I always wondered, what does that mean?”


“When you hum, ‘Mhm?” Like that?”

“Well, my auntie Clarah, she always said, if you don’t got nothing nice to say, then keep it to yourself.”

“Oh, that makes sense.” She’s just got, really scary nails.

“Huh, be yourself be yourself be yourself.” She took a deep breath. “Hey!”

“Hey,” he put his arm up in the window. “Whitney, right? I heard you might need a ride, home from school.”

“All right.” She skipped, and shook her hands. Not like fists, probably because of her nails, but she even squealed a little, running around the back. While he started it up, put it in reverse, and backed out so she could get the door open.

“Later on, man.” He held up his hand, so I hi-5ed it. Well, he high 5ed, but you know. Sitting down like that, it was really up around my shoulder level.

“So,” he turned back, “Whitney, where do you live?”

She giggled, “You really named after that alien. Alf, from the 80s?”


“Well, you seen that show from the 90s, A Diffrent World?” That’s how she said it, Diffrent, instead of diffErent.

“Yeah, I think it had that Lisa Bonet chick, from the Cosby Show, and Angel Heart.”

“Yeah, that’s the one. We got that on DVD, if you wanna come over, and watch it?”


“Uh,” there’s Stephanie, running over to her car. “I’ll catch you later…”

She said it was “The worst time,” but she said “Give me your hand,” and pulled a pen to write her number on it. Then, she said “Call me,” and drove off.

So, I guess I got her number anyway, wait till Alf sees this!

I can save him about 50 bucks, so he won’t be jealous. Besides, he’s going out with Whitney now, and I’ve got money on her giving him head, at least.


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  • Reply woody ID:7zv3j3f0hl

    This was like the most boring story I’ve ever read

  • Reply DocBae ID:4hv515mm4

    Alternate title, “A Breath of Fresh Ass” ? (I hope someone gets the reference)